The Bill Walton Tapes: Breakfast

Bill
“Put the toast in the toaster big fella!”

It’s a fundamental, breakfast principle, and one that the greatest man to ever spread jam, UCLA Coach John Wooden, used to relentlessly preach. In fact, if I close my eyes, and backpedal to the days of yesteryear, I can distinctively hear his raspy voice wisdom:

“You can’t be rough with bread Bill. It’s soft, flimsy. All you’ve got to do is drop the toast in the slots. Don’t push it in. Let the lever do the work. Be patient. The toast will come to you.”

Oh how I long for the days of such discipline and knowledge.

Are there any eggs in this household? A dynamic and brilliant egg is absolutely essential to running a strong and balanced breakfast. Oh, here are some. 3 eggs conveniently tucked away in the refrigerator compartment labeled “Eggs”. Oh, how today’s technology has come and altered the landscape of our simplistic lives. It can definitely be overwhelming at times to keep up with the lingo. I mean, “compartments” … “labels” … “iPods” my young son, Luke will say. Huh? Get a DICTIONARY!

Regardless, the eggs are caressed in my big-man, soft hands and I will attempt to break one open and release the embryon– DAMN! William, you have dropped it and made a silly mess!

And here I was doing such a remarkable job of assembling a great breakfast. Oh well. At least as I look at this splattered egg, I am reminded of the brilliant lyrics from one of the Dead’s greatest songs, China Doll. I believe they go:

“Take up your china doll, take up your china doll,
It’s only fractured and just a little nervous from the fall.”

The egg is only fractured … how true indeed.

All right, this “making breakfast” is taking too long. Someone pass this big man a Yoplait.

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By J.E. Skeets at 11:57 am on 02.24.2006 — Tags: Misc., Superstars

Comments

8 Responses to “The Bill Walton Tapes: Breakfast”

  1. Unsilent Majority at 12:27 pm on 02.24.2006

    you’ve lost it

  2. Import at 12:49 pm on 02.24.2006

    Yup, Unsilent is right… time to be committed Skeets

  3. Unsilent Majority at 2:56 pm on 02.24.2006

    i’ll give skeets two months before he’s “wizznutzz crazy”
    then will be the time to rejoice

  4. Garthmeister J. at 2:58 pm on 02.24.2006

    Skeets, tell the truth. You thought of the “China Doll” reference and then worked backwards to breakfast, right? Right.

    Nice!

  5. mjd at 5:34 pm on 02.24.2006

    I’m in bewildered awe. In a good way.

  6. T. at 6:01 pm on 02.24.2006

    Wait, this wasn’t an actual Bill Walton ESPN article?! I’ve been fooled again! Damn you Skeets!

  7. Unsilent Majority at 6:27 pm on 02.24.2006

    China Doll is also the name of the restaurant frequented each Tuesday at 11am by Red Auerbach and his DC friends.

  8. devon at 5:49 am on 04.23.2006

    This was genius. I love your podcast, but I wish there was more of this type of thing on it. Like maybe you could work up a good Sheed impersonation and perform the Sheed meets Ikea bit. Or this.

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