The Basketball Jones Ep. 017
Reggie Evans touched my privates.
The Basketball Jones — Episode 017.
In this week’s show, J.E. Skeets and Tas say goodbye to the Grizzlies and Nuggets, breakdown the other playoff series, talk to Nothin’ But Nets about the competitive Pacers/Nets match-up, answer some mail, and much, much more…
Oh, all that, and we wonder who wins a game of 1-on-1 between LeBron and Kobe.
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Our Show, Your Say: Ep. 017
“Should James Posey’s new nickname be Lord Voldemort Draco Malfoy?”
Yes, great question! Got anymore?
Quick reminder to get your questions and comments in for this Sunday’s Basketball Jones Podcast. We usually don’t — do weekends — so any type of help would be greatly appreciated. Three ways to get your thoughts heard:
- Phone: 416.519.4778 and leave a recorded message
- E-mail: jones@thebasketballjones.net
- Blog: leave ‘em here
And oh, expect this episode to be posted early Monday morning — just in time for that daily commute known as hell.
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Romance on the Hardwood
“Everything I Do (I Do It For You)” by Bryan Adams
Steve: WOAH! DON’T!
Kobe: What? What’s wrong?
Steve: You won’t wreck this night for me.
Kobe: What? What are you talking about? Come here–
Steve: –NO! DON’T!
Kobe: Easy Stevie, easy–
Steve: –DON’T!
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: Will you settle down? Honestly, what the hell is wrong with–
Steve: –This is my song Kobe! THIS IS MY SONG, DAMNIT!
Kobe: Are you drunk?
Steve: Shhhhhhhhh…
Kobe: Wow, you’re absolutely trashed right now, aren’t ya?
Steve: I am not.
Kobe: Yes you are. You’re trashed. Look at me.
Steve: No! You look at me Mr. Snake-Man! Yeah, Mr. Snakey-Snake-Man you look at me.
Kobe: Jesus-troy-murphy, your eyes are in the back of your head. How much have you had to drink?
Steve: “EVERYTHING I DO… I DO-BE-DOOBIE-DO IT FOR YOU”
Kobe: Steve, were you drinking with Dirk again?
Steve: “I WOULD FIGHT FOR YOU…”
Kobe: You’re bombed.
Steve: “I WOULD… DIE. FOR. YOU!”
Kobe: I’m amazed you’re even standing right now. Where is that crazy German?
[Kobe looks around for Dirk]
Steve: (whispering) You know… I would die for you Kobe. Serious.
Kobe: Ok, thanks.
Steve: I WOULD DIE FOR YOU KOBE SNAKE-MAN!
Kobe: Yes, yes… everyone hears you…
Steve: (whispering) Hey, psst! You want my MVP trophy?
Kobe: Steve, you’ve had a fun night, let’s just get a cab–
Steve: –AH-HA! YOU DO! HEY EVERYBODY, SNAKE-MAN WANTS MY MVP TROPHY!
Kobe: Ok, now you’re being ridiculous…
Steve: WELL YOU CAN HAVE IT!
Kobe: Come on, let’s go…
Steve: BOTH OF THEM! TAKE ‘EM!
Kobe: Let’s not say things we can’t take back in the morning…
Steve: I LOVE YOU BRYAN ADAMS! WOOOOOOOOO! BLAAAAH!
[Steve vomits all over Kobe]
Steve: Oh man, umm… umm…
Kobe: Great.
Steve: Shit. Umm… I’m sorry Kobe. I’m sorry for me. I’m sorry for life. I’m sorry for Shaq-
Kobe: -Yeah, yeah, just forget it. Let’s go home. You’re trashed.
Steve: Ok. I’m sorry. Let’s go home.
[Awkward silence]
Steve: Hey Kobe?
Kobe: What?
Steve: Can we stop for nachos?
Romance on the Hardwood: The Series
Kobe & Pargo: “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”
Kobe & Pargo: “Wonderful Tonight”
Gilbert & Deron: “Unchained Melody”
LeBron & Vince: “All My Life”
The Basketball Jones Ep. 016
Growing beards and throwing mouthguards…
The Basketball Jones — Episode 016.
In this week’s show, J.E. Skeets and Tas argue over Nash, Kobe or LeBron for MVP, breakdown each playoff series, score Wade’s new look, jump aboard VC’s imaginary motorcycle, and much, much more…
Oh, all that, and a “slow” snack vendor makes an appearance.
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Gilbert Comics!
I totally forgot how awesome pencil crayons were. Click here to see the Pavel Podkolzine-like version. And oh, Mr. Adams, please don’t sue me. Thanks.
The Jacket Speaks!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar tells a tale of his beloved L.A. Lakers:
This team is floating on waters like a big island, hanging from ropes fastened at the top of the Powerful One’s triangular directions. When the ropes break, this team will come tumbling down, and all others will fall with it and die. Then everything will be as if the earth had never existed, for The Lakes will cover it whole again. Perhaps the white man, Luke Walton, shall help bring this about.
In the beginning, The Black Mamba covered everything. Though other living creatures existed, their home was over there, above the rainbow, and it was crowded. “We are all jammed together,” Divine Devean said. “We need more room.”
Wondering what “it” felt like, they sent Water Beetle Kwame to look around. Water Beetle Kwame touched the leathered surface but couldn’t find solid footing. He stumbled and fell but it was the beginning of something magical. The Powerful One understood this so.
You see, all the creatures were eager to live on it, and so The Powerful One kept sending Water Beetle Kwame to see if The Black Mamba would take their weight. “Fucksssssss Offsssssss”, Black Mamba would hiss. And so, Water Beetle Kwame would return to the others, tail between his legs, letting them know there was still no spot to perch on.
But then the creatures sent Grandfather Buzzard Odom down. He flew very close and saw that The Black Mamba was stuck in the mud, crying, tired, alone. When Grandfather Buzzard Odom glided low over, he found that the mud was hardening on The Black Mamba’s skin. Pressure was sinking him. The Black Mamba looked scared. So Grandfather Buzzard Odom flapped his wings down hard and where they touched the earth, he rid a bit of hardened mud from The Black Mamba’s skin. The other animals watching from above the rainbow said, “If he keeps on, The Black Mamba will be happy and allow us to live with him,” and so they made Grandfather Buzzard Odom continue.
At last The Black Mamba was free from the mud, and the other animals descended. They couldn’t see very well because they had no sun or moon, so someone said, “We shall go to Phoenix together! The Suns shall be there! Yi-ha!” And so, they did. The end.
Some believe this is why we now have trees, but really… completely unrelated.
The Jacket [’revgen’ at Clublakers.com Forum] via Free Darko
Comments (3)DeSagana Was Always The More Curious Of The Two…
April 23rd, 2006 (l to r): Jake Tsakalidis and DeSagana Diop
May 5th, 1983 (l to r): Jake Tsakalidis and DeSagana Diop
Efficient Blogger
So I was watching the TNT broadcast of the Pistons-Bucks game last night and I was a little perplexed when I saw Rip Hamilton at the free throw line.
This was listed under his name:
Team Role: Efficient Scorer
Umm… (head scratch) … How dumb do these people think we are? If we write in and spell his name correctly do we get the free Pistons colouring book? (I think I can stay inside the lines of Big Ben’s ‘fro this time!)
This is what TNT should have written under some of the Pistons’ names:
Richard Hamilton:
Scary Dude You Slowly Walk Away From
Rasheed Wallace:
Will Bark Like Dog Until He’s T’d Up
Antonio McDyess:
So McNice You’ll Invite Him To Breakfast
Ben Wallace:
Makes Others Wet Themselves By Smiling At Them
Tayshaun Prince:
Scrawny Kid No One Thought Could Play
My Eyes Are Burning…
I wore white.
I rapped in French.
I poached mammals.
I passed (and still lost).
I didn’t touch Chubby.
I won one for Billy.
I remained winless.
And yes, I was a Witness.
32 quarters of NBA playoff basketball. My God, I love this…
Comments (4)TBJ: Western Playoffs Preview
Playoffs? You want to talk more playoffs? Um, sure. That’d be neat!
The Basketball Jones’ Western Conf. Playoffs Preview — Episode 015.
In this week’s second hour-long special, J.E. Skeets and Tas breakdown the Western Conference playoffs with more NBA blog representatives. Our “go west, life is peaceful there” experts include:
- Matt Powell from Pounding The Rock
- Tom Ziller from SacTown Royalty
- Chris Clarke from End of the Bench
- Kurt from Forum Blue & Gold
- Dan Lucero from Solid Gold
- Kevin Arnovitz from ClipperBlog.com
- Joe Boikess from Rebel Ballin’
Oh, all that, and an actual baby is born during the recording of this show! (Well, close enough…)
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Note: if you haven’t listened to our Eastern Conference Playoffs Preview yet do yourself a favor, yo. Biggie would appreciate it. Word.
Comments (2)About
The Basketball Jones is a NBA blog and podcast, written and recorded five times a week by J.E. Skeets, Tas Melas and Jason Doyle. Comments, questions and cold hard cash are always welcome and much appreciated. Contact us.
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