www.BlogHeaterick.com

Contrary to what some might say, Heat owner Micky Arison is NOT boring. I mean, look — dude’s got his own blog for crying out loud. His own blog! What type of billionaire does that? Ha!

Anyway, here’s Mick’s latest post titled The Heat Can’t?. It’s pretty damn inspiring so I’d grab some Kleenex if I were you…

“The Heat CAN’T play Offense.
The Heat CAN’T play basketball.
The Heat CAN’T get physical like a wild bobcat.
The Heat CAN’T beat (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the NES) because it’s (fuckin’ impossible).

Shaq CAN’T play cards to save his life.
Shaq CAN’T lick his lower calf.
Shaq CAN’T play the trombone.
Shaq CAN’T step up stairs quickly.

Wade CAN’T rap.
GP CAN’T be the point guard on a midget girl’s basketball team.
Antoine Walker CAN’T get past customs.
Mike Doleac CAN’T talk to girls.
Pat Riley CAN’T lead this team to the Finals without Chick Hearn or James Worthy.

Thank you. Thank you to everyone who has ever said or written about what they think the Heat can’t do. It was motivation that Riley ripped off of Stan Van Gundy earlier this year.

There is an old saying, “White men can’t jump”.

Nowhere is this more true than the sports world. (see: Van Horn, Keith)

Hats off to the Pistons for getting worse than anyone ever expected. Hats off to the Pistons and the city of Detroit for cars and Eminem.

A huge thank you to Heat fans around the world. We thank you for wearing your lucky suntan lotion, lucky thongs, lucky fanny packs, Hawaiian shirts, shorts and pants, for wearing your Heat gear under your clothes to work and with pride to school and around town and even when swimming.

A huge thank you to Heat fans that were jumping up and down, screaming, hugging everyone you could find and generally going crazy like an old person as the clock ran down. We heard you — which was weird. We felt you — which tickled. All of us on the sidelines — hold on, was I even there? — felt the exact same way.

My heart was pounding so hard, I was like a living human being. I have all these little good luck idiosyncrazies (a word I stole from this guy), and i just refused to capitalize that letter “i”. I kept on playing mind games with myself. You know… like Sudoku. Dont relax, you already used the 8 in that box. Shit! Then, the ever popular… “How big are those boobies over there…” Ok, maybe not that…

When we hit 00:00, I walked over to where the Pistons owners were to thank and congratulate them, but they didn’t seem to know who I was. Awkward… After that, I was never so happy to hug so many sweaty grown men in my entire life. (Minus that special sleep over we once had when we ate chips and watched The Running Man…)

The guys heard can’t, but never believed it.

Four more wins to go.

The Mavs are a great team. Dirk alone has more hair than our entire roster. Coach Avery has probably sang higher than Riley ever will. It won’t matter. It’s going to be a war. Probably less thrilling than Hell’s Kitchen 2 though.

We may be the underdogs, but we believe and we don’t understand the word “spoonerism”. But does anybody really? I highly doubt it.”

Micky Arison is Boring [YAYsports!]
The Mavs Can’t? [Blog Maverick]

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By J.E. Skeets at 3:34 pm on 06.07.2006 — Tags: Playoffs, Heat

Comments

5 Responses to “www.BlogHeaterick.com”

  1. Nels at 4:18 pm on 06.07.2006

    Wow! I have to say that I like him even better than the Blog Maverick. Now I really want the Heat to win.

  2. Nat at 5:41 pm on 06.07.2006

    Classic Skeets… I read that Cuban post early this morning and i was like woah wait till someone rips this one up!

  3. Frank at 12:30 am on 06.08.2006

    I’m not 100% sure but while watching the horrible hockey game today, the announcer mentioned “keeping up with the jones” as a segment later on. Are you guys aware that hockey is cashing in on your fame and stardome?

  4. farlane at 1:52 pm on 06.08.2006

    Hilarious. Except for the thong part. Whenever I think “Miami Heat” I think of Antoine Walker (because I can’t stand him).

    Take my word for it, “Antoine Walker” and “thong” are not two thoughts you want getting anywhere near each other.

    I have to go wash my brain now…

  5. Unsilent Majority at 2:47 pm on 06.08.2006

    thanks for exposing the rest of us farlane

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