Game 6: Judgement Day
If the NBA is rigged, then here’s how tonight’s Game 6 will go down…
Pre-game Show:
- Mike Breen and Hubie Brown welcome us. Hubie is wearing a crown. Odd.
- Quick video package hyping up the series so far. Highlights include: Stack taking out Shaq (shown from multiple angles, with over-the-top SFX), Haslem’s bleeding eye, Wade’s heroics, and Cuban pointing and screaming at Stern.
- Breen informs us that Bennett Salvatore, Dick Bavetta, and Earl Hebner are refereeing tonight’s game.
Miami Heat Introductions:
- Boisterous ‘You Suck’ chants from the sold-out American Airlines Center crowd.
- Jason Williams drives out in a ‘65 Impala Convertible Lowrider.
- Shaq walks out a crawling Antoine Walker, who’s attached to a dog leash.
Dallas Mavericks Introductions:
- Stackhouse gets a huge pop. Looks like a Pepsi…
- Dirk enters the court thru Sec. 125 and walks down the aisles. He spits water all over the crowd.
- Quick shot of WWE wrestlers, Triple H and Shawn Michaels, sitting courtside.
- Commissioner David Stern pulls a chair up beside the scorekeeper.
1st Quarter Action:
- Shaq wins the tip with a nice side Russian legsweep.
- Wade hits his 2nd triple of the game. Miami jumps to a quick 12-2 lead. Stern nods accordingly.
- Cuban is down on the ground, slapping the hardwood, trying to pump up this Dallas crowd.
- Terry ducks a Posey clothesline, tags in Harris on the fly, who then finishes on the break. Nice. End of 1: Miami 22, Dallas 16.
2nd Quarter Action:
- Dirk is struggling from the field, shooting only 1-for-6. Hubie breaks it down:
“You are Dirk Nowitzki. You have fireman carried your team throughout these playoffs. You KNOW tonight that it’s do-or-die, and you KNOW you’ve got to step up your game. Now … you know that your game is a submission type of game, and you KNOW that Haslem’s shoulder is hurting him. You need to attack it. Now … you also know there is only one move for you to do it successfully — you need to get on an arm-bar. You know this is going to be TOUGH.”
- End of 2: Miami 46, Dallas 39.
Half-time:
- The Dallas Mavericks and Miami Heat Dancers have a bra-and-panties match at center court. Everybody wins, except the fabric.
3rd Quarter Action:
- The Mavericks come out swinging: Howard dropkicks/screens Walker, rolls back door, and then jams home a nice alley-oop pass from Terry.
- White Hot Cheats? Stack gets a steal and is alone on the break, but Riley trips him up! Salvatore turns a blind eye. The crowd goes crazy!
- Payton drives to the net, scoops one over Diop, and manages to draw a ticky-tack foul. Diop goes nuts and starts eating the protective foam padding underneath the net. End of 3: Miami 71, Dallas 70.
4th Quarter Action:
- Great exchange to start the 4th:
Williams misses a jumper, rebound up, Stack and Posey battle for position and go to the floor locked up. Ball goes out of bounds. Stack and Posey break, and then back in they go. Oh, stare down; the two go nose to nose. Posey with a take down, sharp (3-point) shooter try, but Stack counters into a single leg submission. Posey counters into a side headlock. Both up, and Stack executes a full (Don) nelson suplex. Stack with the cover … 1 … 2 … Posey kicks out! The ball is finally in-bounded.
- The teams exchange
rightsbaskets for 7 straight minutes. Miami stays up 1. Only 31 seconds left.
- Wade kills some clock, comes off a pick and beats his man. It looks like he’s got an easy lay-up for 2, but NO! — Dirk with a boot to the face! “I Am A Real Germanian” blasts through the PA system. The crowd goes nuts! Dirk gathers up the loose ball, dribbles to the line, launches a game tying three … it’s GOOD! Dallas 95, Miami 93!
- Riley wants a timeout. The AAC erupts! Dirk rips off his jersey and puts his hand to his ear. OH NO! Salvatore calls a technical foul for showboating! WHAT!? Miami will shoot one, AND get the ball back!
- Wade at the line … he calls “GLASS!” … and knocks it down. “He’s as a cold as ice!” Dallas 95, Miami 94.
- 22 seconds left: Wade near the top, killing some clock … spins left, pulls it back … 10 seconds to go … Avery’s yelling at the whole Mavs team to get on Wade … Wade somehow keeps his dribble alive … everyone is on him; even Cuban’s out there! … 5 seconds to go, Wade beats four defenders … he pulls up for the jumper … 4 … 3 … WOAH! Wade finds a wide open Shaq under the rim … 2 … Shaq going for the dunk …
- Breen: “OH MY GOD, IT’S KOOOOOOOBE!” Kobe Bryant, sitting front row, grabs his chair, and absolutely clocks Shaq in the skull … Shaq and the ball slump to the floor … the buzzer goes! DALLAS WINS! DALLAS WINS!
- We fade to commercial as we see an evil looking Kobe – in a charming blue sweater vest, mind you – being paid off by Cuban!
Winners: The Dallas Mavericks via scoring more points @ 48:00
Comments
9 Responses to “Game 6: Judgement Day”
Leave a Reply
About
The Basketball Jones is a NBA blog and podcast, written and recorded five times a week by J.E. Skeets, Tas Melas and Jason Doyle. Comments, questions and cold hard cash are always welcome and much appreciated. Contact us.
Podcast
Latest Episodes
- Ep. 329: Finals, Game 6 – Wednesday, June 18th
- Ep. 328: Finals, Game 5 – Monday, June 16th
- Ep. 327: Finals, Game 4 – Friday, June 13th
- Ep. 326: Finals, Game 3 – Wednesday, June 11th
- Ep. 325: Finals, Game 2 – Monday, June 9th
Mamba lays slumped across the key from Shaq. Kobe obviously has an alibi, but in the excitement, no one saw who shot him.
Wow. I did NOT see Kobe coming in there at the end, but it really couldn’t have ended any other way.
I’m also assuming you mean Cuban is paying him off with cash, right? ‘Cause, ew.
Genius.
I missed the disclaimer the first time. Heh.
Brilliant stuff Mr Skeets!
Ah, that was too good. Brings back sweet memories of Raw.
If only there was a Props Match/Ladder Match/Steel Cage thrown in.. so you KNOW the Stationary Bike will want to make an appearence to face Dirk again.
that wasn’t kobe…IT WAS KOKO B. WARE!!!
http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/k/kokobware/11.jpg
Who’s the better ring/courtside interviewer, Mean Gene or Jim Gray???
Great men have come out of women’s vaginas. You are one of them Skeets.
Go buy yourself an oreo cake for such a great entry.