The Next Movement

I’m dizzy from practicing my new 1080° dunk out back, so while my body struggles to find its bearings, I figure now is as good time as ever to weigh in on this summer’s no-players-have-actually-yet-moved player movement. Yeah, this shit be straight verbal, yo! So barring any fingers crossed behind the back type shenanigans, here’s the major movement so far:

Ben Wallace, signed by Chicago (4 yrs, $60 mil)
I was surprised by how many people hated this signing (see: FD comments). What? It’s Ben Wallace, dude. Who cares if he can’t score or hit a free-throw to save his barber’s life. The experience and intensity he’ll bring to this squad is worth the money alone. Look, the Bulls have reached that point — you know, playoff team, early exits — where they’ve basically got to make that “next step” move. This is it. Bring in a 4-time DPoY stud and see what happens. Big Ben, Noce, Deng, BG, Kirk … that is dirty. 50+ wins for sure.

Peja Stojakovic, signed by NOOCH (5 yrs, $64 mil)
Hollinger’s right — sorry, Insider warning there — with this Peja cash grab, the Bobby Jackson signing, and the Chandler trade, NOOCH’s rebuilding effort is essentially over already. Seriously, say goodbye sweet cap space. Damn. With that said, I do think this team will make some noise out West. As for Peja? Um, he’s not going all All-Star on us again, but he should return a lil’ closer to his Sactown glory days with Paul’s ability to penetrate, draw, and kick. In fact, that’s what I’m most interested to see: just how well CP3 performs now that’s he got some talent surrounding him.

Tyson Chandler, traded to NOOCH for J.R. Smith and P.J. Brown
4 initials for some wing span. Happens all the time in the NBA…

Nazr Mohammed, signed by Detroit (5 yrs, $30 mil)
I’d rather have Darko. No, I’m not smiling.

Vladimir Radmanovic, signed by LA Lakers (5 yrs, $31 mil)
I can see it now: “Kobe. I was open. Yes, in corner. Me. Why you no pass to Radman? I hurt feelings of you? How do you say … I make basket thingy, yes? Yes. This is what Radman do. Promise. I like you. Do you like me?”

Speedy Claxton, signed by Atlanta (4 yrs, $25 mil)
Did you know Speedy’s real name is Craig? Yeah, Craig. Craig Claxton. Um, I don’t know about you, but Craig’s not really a name I want to go hand a cool $25 mil to.

Marquis Daniels, traded to Indiana for Austin Croshere
Two questions: 1. Are you truly freed if you end up in Indiana? And 2. Will Cuban make Croshere change his surname to Van Horn?

Derek Fisher, traded to Utah for a whole bunch of guards
I’d rather not talk about this.

[Note: For a more informative analysis on the free agent signings, I suggest you drop by RaptorBlog.com to see what Scott’s sayin’. Twice. And oh, while you’re out surfin’, catch a wave by The Association, dude…]

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By J.E. Skeets at 12:10 am on 07.07.2006 — Tags: Free Agency, Ben Wallace

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3 Responses to “The Next Movement”

  1. KaLiBLeeK at 1:27 am on 07.07.2006

    Vladimir Radmanovic, signed by LA Lakers (5 yrs, $31 mil)
    I can see it now: “Kobe. I was open. Yes, in corner. Me. Why you no pass to Radman? I hurt feelings of you? How do you say … I make basket thingy, yes? Yes. This is what Radman do. Promise. I like you. Do you like me?”

    Funniest thing I’ve read all week. I almost pee’d myself. And I’m not drunk.

  2. Steash at 5:02 am on 07.07.2006

    Serious, was about to say the same, that Vladimir Radmanovic comentary gave me a much needed laugh.

  3. Unsilent Majority at 11:32 am on 07.07.2006

    congrats on your first summer league win over my wiz.
    oleksiy looks so sexy

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