How To Take The Perfect Rookie Portrait

Taking the perfect Rookie portrait is more than just handing some instant-millionaire kid a basketball. It requires careful consideration of framing, mood, background and expression.

Step 1. Choose a NBA Rookie to photograph. No, not Brian Grant. Any one of these three would do:

Step 2. Find an appropriate backdrop. In most cases, a fake brick wall or some really obnoxious orange works best:

Step 3. Position the person at least a few feet from the camera. If a 6′10″ dude’s right leg can’t knock it over from where he’s standing, you’re good:

Step 4. Check your framing. A simple Roc-a-fella hand signal should do the trick:


Step 5. Use diffuse lighting by bouncing your flash off the ceiling or walls. Or position a white Pittsnogle between two black guys and watch the magic that is light do its thang:

Step 6. Use a flash meter to determine the correct camera settings. Set your shutter speed and f-stop. If Redick pulls this shit, tell him to FUCKIN’-stop:

Step 7. Finally, get ‘dem damn boys on a trampoline and let the hi-jinx ensue! Yeeee-haw!:


Extra Tips:

Rookie Photo Shoot [NBA.com]

Share This

By J.E. Skeets at 1:12 am on 08.15.2006 — Tags: Photo Fun

Comments

20 Responses to “How To Take The Perfect Rookie Portrait”

  1. Atma Brother #1 at 2:23 am on 08.15.2006

    Warriors Nation has to be terrified about POB posing in front of that fake brick wall.

  2. benjammin' at 10:06 am on 08.15.2006

    Air hump! Wherever did you come up with that? Hmmmm?

  3. Unsilent Majority at 12:40 pm on 08.15.2006

    killin ya’ll niggas on that lyrical shit
    mayonaisse color benz i push miracle whips
    and i am

    i am(here’s to the roc)
    and they ask me they ask me they ask me i tell them(heres to roc-a-fella)
    raise your glasses your glasses to the sky and(here’s to the roc)
    this is the last call for alcohol for the….(heres to the roc)
    so get your ass up of the wall

  4. rem at 12:47 pm on 08.15.2006

    i am particularly fond of the Q. Douby’s Lord of the Rings “Gollum/Smeagol” pose …… (photo #21)

    “u cannot have my precioussssssss…”

  5. J.E. Skeets at 12:58 pm on 08.15.2006

    [Laughing] Yo fuck you, Unsilent, first and foremost …

    Rem: Great call. But does that make Ron-Ron, Frodo or Sam?

  6. Roy at 2:10 pm on 08.15.2006

    Someone tell Denham Brown that it’s not Isosceles-Triangle-a-Fella.

  7. basketbawful at 3:27 pm on 08.15.2006

    Awesome. Simply awesome.

  8. Richard Gozinya at 3:27 pm on 08.15.2006

    Pittsnogle’s jersey doesn’t even have a number on it…

  9. AwfulAnnouncing at 3:44 pm on 08.15.2006

    Is it possible for JJ not to look like a fag?

  10. diggidy at 4:23 pm on 08.15.2006

    Pittsnogle wasn’t even drafted. He was airbrushed into that photo. He’s got one of those blank generic jerseys like the players on baseball cards from Frosted Flakes cereal boxes.

  11. Natalie at 5:17 pm on 08.15.2006

    Honestly when I saw these last night I was thinking the same thing. Well not the same thing, because seriously nobody thinks like you Skeets. Simply awesome!

  12. TVBrain at 5:23 pm on 08.15.2006

    52 pictures, but a “hopes to” ain’t one.

    See also “looks to”

  13. MannyJello at 5:34 pm on 08.15.2006

    and of course, if the subject is going to cross his arms in front of his chest, make sure he uses his hands to push out his biceps a little bit to make them look bigger. a classic pose.

  14. J.E. Skeets at 5:58 pm on 08.15.2006

    I’m not gonna lie TVBrain, it took me like 30 minutes to figure out what the hell you were talking about.

    “J.E. Skeets hopes to get better at understanding witty TBJ comments.”

  15. Howie aka Hype at 8:42 pm on 08.15.2006

    My first thought when I saw it was, lame SLAM cover-style ripoffs.

    Then my second thought was: pleeeease someone else make fun of it. Funny man, Skeets!

  16. Scott Carefoot at 10:08 pm on 08.15.2006

    In Redick’s defence, that picture tells me he’s almost definitely back on the sauce. I rock that same smile after a few Jack and Cokes.

  17. rem at 10:16 pm on 08.15.2006

    Thanks to the photo shoot we now know how JJ Reddick hurt himself

    thank god the draft isn’t based on those photos cause there is no way armstrong would’ve gone ahead of simmons: Photo #2 vs. Photo #19

    btw skeets, staying with the lotr theme for Sactown …
    if Potapenko had more facial hair he’d be Treebeard, Ronron’d be Wormtongue

  18. Craig at 12:26 am on 08.16.2006

    Signs that you will be playing in the D-League:

    1. No jersey number.
    2. Posing for the “Hey check out my right testicle!” high kick.
    3. Smiling in your rookie photo.

    Welcome to the Arkansas Rimrockers!!!

    Great post Skeets!

  19. The Basketball Jones » Deadspin Is Fit To Print at 3:50 pm on 10.17.2006

    […] (That picture, Will? I didn’t know you were taken in this year’s NBA draft!) By J.E. Skeets at 3:50 pm on 17/10/2006 — Filed under: Announcements […]

  20. The Basketball Jones » Ep. 181: NBA Draft Preview Podcast - NBA Podcast at 12:03 pm on 06.28.2007

    […] (Extra: After you’re done with the show, make sure to check out my pics from last year’s Draft festivities and the How-To Rookie Portrait guide. Ah, good times.) By J.E. Skeets at 11:24 am on 06.28.2007 — Tags: Podcasts, ‘07 Draft […]

Leave a Reply




Close
E-mail It