NBA Prep Work: Knicks

As part of The Basketball Jones extensive ‘06-07 season preview, I’ve been awarded the honor of going “one-on-one” with a representative from all 30 NBA teams. (No, not really.)

Today I grabbed a coffee with New York Knicks guard Jalen Rose. Our conversation follows:

ONE-ON-ONE WITH … JALEN ROSE

J.E. Skeets: So what you get?
Jalen Rose: Um … [sips coffee] … an Arabian Mocha Sanani. It’s my go-to.

Skeets: Ah, sort of like that forced baseline jumper you always throw up.
Rose: If you mean wild and exotic, with an aroma of spice … yes.

Skeets: That’s not what I meant.
Rose: Oh, um … I’m not sure then. What do you mean?

Skeets: Never mind. Jalen, you play for the New York Knicks. How often do you cry yourself to sleep?
Rose: I don’t.

Skeets: You don’t?
Rose: OK, I have once.

Skeets: Just once?
Rose: A week.

Skeets: Jaaaaalen…
Rose: OK, a night. I cry myself to sleep once a night. You happy?

Skeets: I am not trying to hurt you, Jalen. I’m trying to help you.
Rose: Well I don’t know what this has to with the upcoming season.

Skeets: Jalen, if I told you I cried like 6, 7 times a day, would you think less of me? You know, as a man?
Rose: No.

Skeets: Well good, because I do. I cry a lot, Jalen. And it hurts. Bad.
Rose: What could possible make you cry that much?

Skeets: Jalen, I cry for the baby seals.
Rose: Huh? Why?

Skeets: Because someone’s got to goddamnit. Look, I don’t want to talk about it…
Rose: That’s really weird man. Why would you cry 7 times a day for seals?

Skeets: You’re diving too deep man. I said I don’t want to talk about it.
Rose: Jesus, I’m sorry…

Skeets: Look, I can’t get into it, it’s still so raw…
Rose: Fine, I don’t really care.

Skeets: Hey! You don’t have to be a dick about it.
Rose: Sorry, I didn’t mean it like tha– look, I do care. Can we just get the questions going here?

Skeets: Yes. First question: Why don’t you care about the baby seals?
Rose: Oh come on man…

Skeets: Every year the Canadian government clubs and shoots over three hundred thousand baby seals. Three hundred thousand, Jalen! Three, zero, zero, zero–
Rose: I. Don’t. Care.

Skeets: How? How can you not care? How can you sit there in your nice suit, and your nice shoes, and sleep in your nice silk pajamas, and not care about little baby seals? Tell me. Tell me how?
Rose: I’m sorry, I just don’t. I just … I guess it doesn’t affect me, that’s all.

Skeets: It doesn’t affect you? Oh, oh, I’m sorry … yeah, maybe if Nick Van Exel had thrown a dead baby seal on your head instead of a towel, then yeah … sure, then you’d be ‘affected’, right?
Rose: What? That makes absolutely no sense.

Skeets: Oh, it doesn’t, does it?
Rose: No. None at all.

Skeets: Pfft. Well I guess we know were you stand on this matter.
Rose: Oh my God, are you for real?

Skeets: I ain’t no ones and zeros buddy! Next question: Why do you not give a flying fuck about the baby seals?
Rose: OK, that’s it, I’m out of here. You’re really starting to creep me out. Thanks for the coffee.

Skeets: Oh, yeah, run away. Run home to your video games and pinstripes, where you don’t have to think about all the baby seals being killed. Go!

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By J.E. Skeets at 12:03 pm on 09.06.2006 — Tags: '06/07 Season Preview, Knicks

Comments

6 Responses to “NBA Prep Work: Knicks”

  1. J.E. Skeets at 4:21 pm on 09.06.2006

    Dear NBA Season,

    Please come soon. These are getting painful.

    Sincerely,
    Skeets

  2. Unsilent Majority at 6:37 pm on 09.06.2006

    mmm seal meat

  3. Willy at 6:41 pm on 09.06.2006

    Despite your lack of comments today Skeets, I know there’s plenty’o'readers out there that thank you for your efforts during the offseason. Soon it will be here. Real soon brotha!

  4. Sean at 7:27 pm on 09.06.2006

    Baby seal murder three, zero, zero, one…

  5. J.E. Skeets at 8:23 pm on 09.06.2006

    Willy: Thank you brotha.

    (You just watched Squid & The Whale, didn’t ya?)

  6. the sockk at 8:31 pm on 09.06.2006

    I thought you kind of looked like Morrissey and this confirms it.

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