NBA Prep Work: Kings

As part of The Basketball Jones extensive ‘06-07 season preview, I’ve been awarded the honor of going “one-on-one” with a representative from all 30 NBA teams. (No, not really.)

Today I spit a few bars with Sacramento Kings mad lyricist Ron Artest. Our conversation/rap follows:

ONE-ON-ONE WITH … RON ARTEST

J.E. Skeets: Yo, you ready?
Ron Artest: Shit son, I was born ready!

–Skeets presses BEAT 1 on his Casio RAP-1 Rapman keyboard–

Skeets: A’ight, yo, yo, yo-yo-yo-yo. Mic check one, my mic sounds nice. UNH! Let me start this shit Ron. Yeah, I’m about to rip this shit!
Artest: Go get it son!

Skeets:
OK, well here we go, a rap convo
Four bars each with so much flow
I’ll spit first and then you take control
I know Ahmad Rashad ain’t done dis before

Artest:
Hell naw he ain’t, and yo and that’s what great
Two fuckin’ pioneers up in dis place
Now ask me a question, yo face-to-face
But make sure you do it wit style, make sure you do wit with grace

Skeets:
OK, I’ll do it with Grace like my name was Kelly
Dwyer? No. The dancer on the telly
Mr. Ron Artest my first question is
Are you so fuckin’ crazy that you sit when you piss?

Artest:
Well I’m a crazy motherfucka but I ain’t that bad
In most joints I try to stay away from the can
Like any other man I try to piss while I stand
The only difference is I got a million dolla dick in my hand!

Skeets:
Umm… that was a lil’ more than I needed to know
But I appreciate the honesty that your willing to show
Now shall we continue our game of verbal tic-tac-toe?
I mean should I even drop the X, if you can’t drop the O?

Artest:
Is that a fuckin’ challenge sayin’ the ‘Test can’t step?
Cuz I’m the illest mothafucka yo left on the net
Don’t test the Tru Warier and don’t knock my rep
Throw a beer at me and yo I’ll snap ya neck!

Skeets:
Aiyyo settle down tiger, lie the fuck down
You’re jumpin’ to conclusions man actin’ a clown
I only asked cuz I knew that your friend was in town
Thought you had to go, thought we should shut it down

Artest:
Oh man I’m sorry Skeets, I have bad anger control
My mother never hugged me, and well it’s started to show
I apologize sincerely, and yes I have to go
You’ve reminded me I have a meeting with Mr. Fat Joe

–Artest stops the Casio RAP-1 Rapman keyboard beat–

Skeets: Done?
Artest: Yeah, I think I should probably get going…

Skeets: Ok, well … ya? [Extends his arms] Come here ya big lug.
Artest: [Hugs Skeets, starts sobbing uncontrollably] I’m just so … so … misunderstood.

Skeets: There, there, I know you are. Come on, chin up.

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By J.E. Skeets at 3:09 pm on 09.08.2006 — Tags: '06/07 Season Preview, Ron Artest, Kings

Comments

16 Responses to “NBA Prep Work: Kings”

  1. Chris Clarke at 3:30 pm on 09.08.2006

    Jeebus, that was hard-core, son!

    Also rhyming is hard.

  2. KD at 5:05 pm on 09.08.2006

    I haven’t been this honored since 4th grader David Kruger name-checked me while rapping into my boombox microphone in 1989.

    Skeets? A single tear …

  3. benjammin' at 5:45 pm on 09.08.2006

    you one bad mamma jamma skeets.

  4. Unsilent Majority at 6:06 pm on 09.08.2006

    that’s the best thing you’ve done since janero pargo’s slow dance

  5. Captain Caveman at 6:20 pm on 09.08.2006

    That beat is sick.

  6. BigRicks at 6:22 pm on 09.08.2006

    Fucking brilliant. I’d say this could be something you run with, but there really aren’t any other NBAers you could do this with.

  7. Howie aka Hype at 6:47 pm on 09.08.2006

    Paging Mr. Jay-Z, Paging Mr. Jay-Z!

    We have the hottest ish in this joint! Bravo Skeets

  8. JeffP at 8:19 pm on 09.08.2006

    Whoa, I didn’t know KD was Kelly Dwyer…great columns.

    Nice work Skeets!

  9. Jeff at 9:00 pm on 09.08.2006

    brilliant!

  10. Sam at 2:31 am on 09.09.2006

    Ron Artest is the best rapper since K-fed.

  11. anf at 4:15 am on 09.09.2006

    this is sick!!!!!

  12. G-love at 1:01 pm on 09.09.2006

    Ron Artest is a white man in a black mans body!

  13. Jamie Mottram at 2:30 pm on 09.11.2006

    I’d just like to point out that Skeets stole that “yo yo yo yo yo yo” (yo x 6) shit from me, but I allowed him to copyright that piece. Where’s my trademark, son?

  14. J.E. Skeets at 3:12 pm on 09.11.2006

    Ahh … “true, true, true-true-true-true” (true x 6). My bad, Mottram. RESPEK!

  15. G-love at 3:35 pm on 09.11.2006

    youse guys are all little pussys that live with your gay men who like gay flowers and other gay things…such as looking at house magazines. ron ron is a little boy who doesnt know how to grow up. i feel sorry for him and the kings

  16. KaLiBLeeK at 4:55 pm on 09.11.2006

    No RESPEK from G-Love. What a shame.

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