Romance on the Hardwood: Kobe & Andrew
playing: “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak
Kobe: C’mere you big bear. My turn.
Andrew: Oh, um… okay.
Kobe: My goodness. Go-go Gadget arms! Hahaha…
Andrew: Ha.
Kobe: Seriously, you’re a tall drink of water. What? Six-eight? Six-nine?
Andrew: 7-feet.
Kobe: No.
Andrew: Yup.
Kobe: Wow. You’re like a freaking Tom Collins then. Hahaha…
Andrew: Sorry?
Kobe: A Collins glass. Drink.
Andrew: I don’t get it.
Kobe: How old are you?
Andrew: Just turned nineteen.
Kobe: Oh. Ha. Never mind.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: So tell me, Andrew, what are “the kids” into nowadays?
Andrew: What do you mean?
Kobe: Like, what’s hip? What’s cool?
Andrew: Oh. Um…
Kobe: Pogs?
Andrew: Huh?
Kobe: Are pogs still cool?
Andrew: No.
Kobe: Sea monkeys? How about sea monkeys?
Andrew: Um, I don’t–
Kobe: Sea monkeys were the shit! They were asexual, you know.
Andrew: I did not.
Kobe: True story.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: I sometimes wish I were asexual.
Andrew: Wow.
Kobe: Oh yeah, I’d spawn hundreds of me. Take over the whole fucking league, you know.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: Think about that for a second. I’d be like, the leading scorer for every single game.
Andrew: Um, yeah, guess you wou–
Kobe: People would be all like, “Hey, dude, who was the leading scorer in that Hawks-Kings game last night?” And they’d be all like, “Oh. Kobe … again!”
Andrew: I should really get goi–
Kobe: I could lead the entire top-ten in scoring! Hahaha…
Andrew: OK, you’re scaring me a litt–
Kobe: Oh! Oh! Christmas Day! Kobe versus Kobe!
Andrew: Kobe, you’re hurting my neck.
Kobe: Stay tuned at half for an exclusive Kobe Bryant interview hosted by…
Andrew: Please let go–
Kobe: … Kobe Bryant! Or Mamba! Hahaha… yeah, Mamba versus Kobe! I could bring back #8! Yeah, we could have #8 Kobe versus #24 Kobe! Oh, this is good! Are you jotting these down?
Andrew: Ahhhhhh!!!
[Andrew breaks free]
Andrew: You’re fucking crazy, man!
[Andrew runs away, sobbing]
Kobe: Why are you crying? Where you going? I was just– I was just kidding, Andrew. I won’t bring back #8. Andrew wait! Andrew…
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: I think those l’il things could also breathe through their feet. Shit. That’d be cool too…
****************************************
Romance on the Hardwood: The Series
Kobe & Pargo: “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”
Kobe & Pargo (Pt. 2): “Wonderful Tonight”
Gilbert & Deron: “Unchained Melody”
LeBron & Vince: “All My Life”
Kobe & Nash: “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)”
Jason & Anthony: “Put Your Head On My Shoulder”
(Bonus: Romance on the Gridiron — Ben & Kurt: “Truly, Madly, Deeply” at KSK)
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The Basketball Jones is a NBA blog and podcast, written and recorded five times a week by J.E. Skeets, Tas Melas and Jason Doyle. Comments, questions and cold hard cash are always welcome and much appreciated. Contact us.
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Once again Skeets, you are amazing!
as soon as i saw that title my eyes lit up with glee
C’mon now. If you were Kobe, wouldn’t you love Bynum too? First time since Shaq left that Kobe has a presence in the post that isn’t just a waste of space (read: Brown, Kwame; Mihm, Chris). Bynum has put up decent numbers in limited minutes. How about a mini-Dwight Howard? I know Kobe is loving it.
This was still funny though. I laughed out loud.
“Remember ALF? He’s back… in pog form.”
Don’t forget your guest appearance on KSK, Skeets.
Wow skeets, that’s right up there with kobe/janero 1 and gil/deron…fantastic.
only one problem, kwame the manchild is the only seven footer in la that breaks into tears.
oh yeah, don’t forget about us footballers
Oh my god…
You could have cut it off at “go go Gadget arms” and it’d still be crazy awesome.
Bananas.
Gold, Jerry! Gold!
Hilarious Bro. An Awesome Way To Make Me Stop Studyin lol
ROFL
Thank you Skeets, plz never grow up.
Why is there a big bear in my bed? Get that big bear out of my bed.
Holy god.
” Kobe: Like, what’s hip? What’s cool?
Andrew: Oh. Um…
Kobe: Pogs?”
Where do you come up with this!?!?! Brilliant!
[…] • All hail the beginning of the Jason Campbell Era. [The Fanhouse] 8226; Time for some more romance on the hardwood. [The Basketball Jones] • This is pretty much what we imagined Bobcats games are like. [The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy] • Separating gyroball reality from myth. [Siberian Baseball] • Some more college basketball predictions. [Complete Sports] • Allen Iverson’s mom’s team gets their first win. [The 700 Level] […]
[…] • All hail the beginning of the Jason Campbell Era. [The Fanhouse] 8226; Time for some more romance on the hardwood. [The Basketball Jones] • This is pretty much what we imagined Bobcats games are like. [The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy] • Separating gyroball reality from myth. [Siberian Baseball] • Some more college basketball predictions. [Complete Sports] • Allen Iverson’s mom’s team gets their first win. [The 700 Level] […]