Cognomina! Joe Johnson Needs One …

On Sunday’s ‘cast we asked you to help give Joe Johnson a proper nickname. (Look, ‘JJ’ is too Full House-y and ‘Cool’ just doesn’t cut it, okay?)

Here are a few of the suggestions that trickled in:

Not bad, not bad… but I still think we can do better. Hell, shouldn’t Shoals and the FD Slovenians have a million of these ready to go?

Anyway, to help get you in the mood, I lit some candles, started a bath, and slipped into some free word association bubbles. Here are a few suggestions of my own. Peruse:

OK, that’s all I got. (Sorry, my skin wrinkles quickly.) Anything we like? Any other suggestions? Let’s hear ‘em … I want to get this wrapped up by the All-Star game, people.

(Update: Last night I re-watched Spike Jonze’s short doc Amarillo By Morning. I’m now 100% positive we should call Joe, ‘The Amarillo Cowboy’.)

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By J.E. Skeets at 1:38 pm on 11.15.2006 — Tags: Joe Johnson, Hawks

Comments

24 Responses to “Cognomina! Joe Johnson Needs One …”

  1. Matt, your friendly Bulls Blogger at 1:47 pm on 11.15.2006

    Double-J?

    (Would Jeff Jarrett take offense?)

  2. J.E. Skeets at 1:50 pm on 11.15.2006

    I’d love to see Joey strut around yelling “AIN’T I GREAT?”

  3. Brandon Dean Price at 2:26 pm on 11.15.2006

    How about Joe “I made a free throw with a broken eyesocket in the playoffs and then I got paid” Johnson?

  4. Lucas at 2:38 pm on 11.15.2006

    I like to call him “top cock” after screwing Phoenix over for the lead role on the Hawks.

  5. Howie at 2:42 pm on 11.15.2006

    Joe Blow.. wait.. I got another one! JoHovah (sorry JayZ)

  6. Semprini at 3:31 pm on 11.15.2006

    I think we should call him “JOE JOHNSON!” because for some reason he reminds me of Matt Damon in Team America.

  7. NW at 5:00 pm on 11.15.2006

    It may be too Full House-y but I vote for “Uncle Joey”. If not then just calling him by his full name Joe Marcus Johnson. Ya know so we don’t confuse him with the other Joe Johnsons.

  8. crowbar at 5:01 pm on 11.15.2006

    cocksocket
    nailgun
    boner patrol
    taint lip
    squish face
    magic
    shabba!
    inverted penis
    deviated rectum
    the peni-traitor

    ok

  9. Sadaqat at 6:59 pm on 11.15.2006

    easy! JOE COOL or J COOL

  10. Andrew at 7:20 pm on 11.15.2006

    Why don’t we just bring back one of the out-of-rotation names like Bill Simmons suggested once, like “Iceman” or “Chocolate Thunder?” Though he’d be more like “Chocolate Lightning.” Wait a minute, what about “Ovaltine?”

  11. Jay Busbee at 8:22 pm on 11.15.2006

    I vote for “THE CLAW”–it’s got a “hawk” connection. Plus, it reminds me of those claw-grabber machines where you try to grab the stuffed animal…and much like the Hawks of the last seven years, it only comes through about one time in ten.

    Either that, or “THE BUCKHEAD FUCKHEAD”…rolls off the tongue, but then Philips Arena isn’t really in Buckhead.

  12. basketball drills at 9:15 pm on 11.15.2006

    I vote for JJ or J Cool…

  13. Slim at 9:27 pm on 11.15.2006

    I like JoJo. Then all he needs is a team mate with the initials KC and they could form an R&B Band durring the offseason.

  14. sam at 3:17 am on 11.16.2006

    How about “Cow’s Asshole”. Hear me out: he was stupidly drafted behind Kwame Brown and Rodney White, making him behind something brown&white, like a cow. I don’t know, I’m about as high as Joe looks right now.

  15. The Big Lead » blog » The Roundup: Mayo to USC; Celtics Bashing; Trent’s Back; and Our One and Only Mention of Dancing With the Stars at 8:13 am on 11.16.2006

    […] Joe Johnson, who may lead the league in scoring, is in dire need of a nickname. (Basketball Jones) […]

  16. AwfulAnnouncing at 10:38 am on 11.16.2006

    I love analog…..Analog Johnson. Sounds like an Eddie Murphy cartoon character….wait maybe I don’t like Analog.

  17. Sports Gone South » Blog Archive » Joe Johnson’s Five-Tool Package at 1:11 pm on 11.16.2006

    […] Back to Johnson, who’s helping the Hawks tear up the league…or, at least, put a couple creases in it. Over at The Basketball Jones, Skeets is trying his damndest to come up with a nickname for Mr. Johnson. We contributed “The Claw”; other entries of note include “Mushmouth,” “The Emperor,” and “The Amarillo Cowboy.” In the name of all that’s holy, let’s get Mr. Johnson a nickname, pronto. […]

  18. Illmatic at 5:21 pm on 11.16.2006

    Joe “Coltrane” Johnson

    Peace

  19. Illmatic at 5:22 pm on 11.16.2006

    …or John (from last name Johnson) “Coltrane” Joe

  20. TheSunsBlog at 6:10 pm on 11.16.2006

    You call him the assassin because he’s quiet and deadly? Why not just call him “The Fart”. Yeah…I like it…Joe “The Fart” Johnson”. I think he’d go for it.

  21. Sean at 2:10 am on 11.17.2006

    Joe “Fuck You” Johnson–he seems to have a knack for hitting big J’s, from what I’ve seen of him.

  22. Jack at 1:02 pm on 11.17.2006

    Joe “RazorHawk” Johnson.

    Was an Arkansas Razorback in college, now a Hawk…he flies, he slashes, he slices… I don’t know. It sounds cool though.

  23. SP3 at 9:26 pm on 11.17.2006

    Joe “Orbital” Johnson

  24. Behind the boxscore, where the good Doc let us down | TOP NBA VIDEO.com at 2:00 pm on 05.06.2008

    […] no off-kilter jumpers, and no lucky bounces. Each of those shots should have gone in, because The Amarillo Cowboy created his own luck […]

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