Eat, Drink, Tuck In Your Jersey
For some reason over the weekend, goathair from The Blowtorch took to Melas-ing his friends Ben Wallace jersey over a down vest. I’m going to go out on a limb and say alcohol was involved.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone.
Comments (4)30 Teams / 30 Hours: It’s Nice To See …
You know, one can never have too many NBA season previews. (That’s a lie.) Which is why we present a new series to add to the list: The Basketball Jones’ 30 Teams in 30 Hours NBA Season Preview. Yup. It is what it is.
1:00p / Chicago Bulls: It’s nice to see Big Ben back in the headband. Here’s to hoping he tries to push Skiles over the crazy-edge by sporting the Mike Miller shoelace look. It’s nice to see Kirk Hinrich’s game still maturing. He should be naked on a London stage, having erotic relationships with horses in no time. It’s nice to see Luol Deng receiving so much attention. It’s a shame he’s basically overrated now. It’s nice to see Ben Gordon joining the blog game. Too bad his first entry is boring as f-bomb and I’m going to “vote it down” on Ballhype. It’s nice to see Joe Smith. I thought he was dead. It’s really not that nice to see Joakim Noah. Ever.
Skeets says: 1st in the Central, 1st seed
Tas says: 1st in the Central, 1st seed
(Hey, don’t forget to listen to Monday’s NBA season predictions podcast.)
Comments (6)WeTube: Dickey Simpkins, Inspirational Mentor
Dickey Simpkins is best known for leading Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen and the rest of those pathetic Bulls scrubs to three straight championships during the late 90’s. And if that’s not the truth, than my name is not J.E. Skeets.
Note: This has to be one of the strangest vids I’ve posted yet. It plays like a parody, but I don’t think it is. Odd.
Comments (18)Tyrus Thomas: ‘You’re My Bitch, Josh Smith’
Quick reminder there’ll be no podcast Tuesday morning. (No games scheduled.)
So, enjoy tonight’s college game, I guess. Go Ducks! (They’re still playing right?)
Comments (3)Scottie Pippen’s Creepy Video
Some common sense advice when taking magic mushrooms:
1. Never take magic mushrooms when you are using prescription drugs.
2. Never take magic mushrooms when you are feeling depressed.
3. Never take magic mushrooms when you are searching for the latest Scottie Pippen video on YouTube.
Hold me, mommy.
Scottie Pippen [YouTube]
Comments (4)NBA Prep Work: Bulls
As part of The Basketball Jones extensive ‘06-07 season preview, I’ve been awarded the honor of going “one-on-one” with a representative from all 30 NBA teams. (No, not really.)
Today I see the future with Chicago Bulls guard soothsayer Kirk Hinrich. Our conversation follows:
ONE-ON-ONE WITH … KIRK HINRICH
J.E. Skeets: Kirk, before I start with the questions, I just wanted to let you know–
Kirk Hinrich: What an honor it is to interview me? Yeah, I know.
Skeets: Woah. How… how’d you–
Hinrich: Do that? Oh, gee, I don’t know…
Skeets: Bah! Seriously, how’d you do that? It’s like you took the words–
Hinrich: Right out of your mouth. Yeah, maybe I did.
Skeets: WOAH!
Hinrich: Or maybe I did something else? Something far more incredible.
Skeets: Wow! I… I’m amaz–
Hinrich: Ed. As you should be.
Skeets: OK, that one wasn’t that good.
Hinrich: Too much?
Skeets: Yeah, definitely. Because I had basically said the whole word, you know. “Amaze”. And then you sort of just jumped in there — threw a suffix on the end.
Hinrich: Sorry, I got cocky.
Skeets: But hey, that that stuff at the beginning… impressive.
Hinrich: Thank you.
Skeets: So Kirk, fill us in. What’s your secret?
Hinrich: I can see the future.
Skeets: C’mon, seriously? You’re telling me that you can see the fut–
Hinrich: SKEETS! LOOK OUT!
[Suddenly, a huge light and grip-stand falls over and crashes onto Skeets’ ottoman. He rolls to safety just in the nick of time.]
Skeets: Holy fuck-balls!
Hinrich: Are you OK?
Skeets: Holy shit! A 650-watt Fresnel almost decapitated me!
Hinrich: I know.
Skeets: Man, that would have sucked.
Hinrich: Definitely.
Skeets: It was probably still hot too…
Hinrich: 3rd degree burns for sure…
Skeets: Oh no! My ottoman!
Hinrich: Um, yeah…
Skeets: Ah man, that was my favorite ottoman.
Hinrich: I’m sorry.
Skeets: Solid hardwood framing, plush microfiber upholstery…
Hinrich: Yeah. I hope this isn’t in bad taste, but why were you sitting on an ottoman in the first place?
Skeets: It’s good for my posture.
Hinrich: Oh.
Skeets: Well that just sucks. But hey, thanks for saving my life, Kirk Hinrich.
Hinrich: Not a problem.
Skeets: No, I owe you.
Hinrich: Oh, don’t worry about it.
Skeets: No, no, I owe you. You just saved my fucking life! That’s definitely worth a boat or something.
Hinrich: Please… don’t worry about it.
Skeets: No, trust me. Yeah, I’m going to buy you something one day, and it’s probably going to be a boat.
Hinrich: Ha. I doubt it.
Skeets: I am! I am going to buy you a big ol’ boat!
Hinrich: No you’re not.
Skeets: Yes I am! I am going to buy you a boat. A yacht! A mighty, mighty yacht with rigs and masts and boards. You’ll name it My Sweet Hermione! Oh, I so am buying you a boat. That’s a fucking promise!
Hinrich: Calm down. You are not going to buy me a boat.
Skeets: But I AM! I am going to buy you a boat! Why do you keep saying that?
Hinrich: Skeets…
[Hinrich points to the smashed ottoman.]
Skeets: Oh, right… that future thing…
Hinrich: Yeah…
Skeets: I was never going to buy you a boat, Kirk.
Hinrich: I know, I know…
Skeets: God, you’re good.
Hinrich: It’s a bit of a gift, yes.
But Will The Cubs Still Win The 2015 World Series, Kirk?
[The Basketball Jones]
But Will The Cubs Still Win The 2015 World Series, Kirk?
You might want to be sitting down for this one…
Kirk Hinrich can predict the future.
Well… he could at least. Who knows if he’s still got “it”. Michael Wamble of the RSS-less Daily Herald reports:
His freshman English class assignment in 1995 was to write a letter for a time capsule about where he wanted to be in 10 years.
Last summer, Jim and Nancy Hinrich found and opened their son’s letter.
“It said he wanted to be a guard for the Chicago Bulls,” the elder Hinrich said.
Damn. And here I was thinking he just looked like Harry Potter.
Bulls Hinrich Is Coach’s Son At Heart [Daily Herald]
Athlete Run-In: Kirk Hinrich, Gryffindor [Deadspin]
Mascots and Mini-Motorcycles
What is it with NBA mascots and mini-motorcycles these days? I mean, if they’re not busy cruisin’ the streets for hookers, they’re off roughing up police officers. Jeesh…
“A Chicago Bulls mascot dressed in a bright red costume was charged with attacking an off-duty officer after driving a mini-motorcycle through an outdoor festival.
Barry Anderson, the Benny the Bull mascot, was charged with misdemeanor battery and driving within a parkway. The 26-year-old man is accused of throwing a punch at the sheriff’s deputy, knocking off his glasses and breaking his watch.”
And in related news, Minnesota Timberwolves mascot, Crunch, was arrested over the weekend after he crashed his luxury mini-motorcycle into a parked Suburban while masturbating.
Bulls Mascot Charged With Attacking Officer [AOL Sports]
Comments (5)About
The Basketball Jones is a NBA blog and podcast, written and recorded five times a week by J.E. Skeets, Tas Melas and Jason Doyle. Comments, questions and cold hard cash are always welcome and much appreciated. Contact us.
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