Cognomina! Joe Johnson Needs One …
On Sunday’s ‘cast we asked you to help give Joe Johnson a proper nickname. (Look, ‘JJ’ is too Full House-y and ‘Cool’ just doesn’t cut it, okay?)
Here are a few of the suggestions that trickled in:
- Joe ‘Smooth’ Johnson
– Alan
- ‘Joe Camel’
– Tiny
- ‘Mushmouth’
– Seth (”I like to imagine that Joe Johnson talks like Mushmouth from Fat Albert. If I ever actually heard him speak, I think a part of me would die.”)
- Joe ‘Faceguard Mask’ Johnson
– Sean
- Joe ‘Cucumber’ Johnson
– X-Factor
- ‘Fowl Play’
– Sam G. (”He’s gone from being on ‘Phoenix’ to being a ‘Hawk’ and he flies up and down the court. Oh, and I think he always looks high.”)
- Joe ‘Eye Socket’ Johnson
– Seth, again
- ‘Kelly Dwyer’s Copy Of Brian May’s Guitar‘ and/or ‘Linda Gray’s Mullet‘
– Kelly Dwyer
Not bad, not bad… but I still think we can do better. Hell, shouldn’t Shoals and the FD Slovenians have a million of these ready to go?
Anyway, to help get you in the mood, I lit some candles, started a bath, and slipped into some free word association bubbles. Here are a few suggestions of my own. Peruse:
- ‘The Emperor’ (He’s calm, cool … cold … Hawk, bird … cold bird … Emperor penguins.)
- ‘The Hitman’ and/or ‘The Silent Assassin’ (He’s quiet, but deadly… just goes about his business … has a killer instinct … silent assassin … wears #2 … Hitman 2.)
- ‘Analog’ (He’s smooth … continuously in motion … doesn’t have a website … definitely not digital.)
OK, that’s all I got. (Sorry, my skin wrinkles quickly.) Anything we like? Any other suggestions? Let’s hear ‘em … I want to get this wrapped up by the All-Star game, people.
(Update: Last night I re-watched Spike Jonze’s short doc Amarillo By Morning. I’m now 100% positive we should call Joe, ‘The Amarillo Cowboy’.)
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