Oh, The Humanity!
30 Teams / 30 Hours: Knixed
You know, one can never have too many NBA season previews. (That’s a lie.) Which is why we present a new series to add to the list: The Basketball Jones’ 30 Teams in 30 Hours NBA Season Preview. Yup. It is what it is.
5:00a / New York Knicks: Everyone associated with this franchise is entranced by the spell of Isiah Thomas. He has the hallowed walls of Madison Square Garden haunted. Players who have never tasted the playoffs (Eddy Curry), are muttering nonsensical things like: “It’s different this year, we’re a winning team”. The NY media is under the impression Curry + Zach Randolph = Goodness. Last I heard, even Anucha Browne Sanders wanted her job back. Anyone can be sucked in; the problem is so big, it’s feeding on itself. Halitosis is what they’re calling this ailment, I believe.
Tas says: 5th in the Atlantic
Skeets says: 4th in the Atlantic
(Don’t forget to check out Monday’s NBA season predictions podcast.)
Comments (0)Petition: Step Down James Dolan
Something makes me think this petition will far and away exceed the goal of 19,763 signatures. By the looks of it, Stephon Marbury has not John Hancock’d as of yet.
It would be a shame to see him lose his job though. Who will we laugh at? How can we feel good about ourselves if we don’t have someone like Dolan who makes us shake our heads in shame? This petition has serious implications people. This is no Fire Brian Hill sign up party.
[Saving the Knicks: James Dolan, please step down]
Photo: via The Sports Hernia
Comments (5)Caption A T-Shirt That Doesn’t Exist
High Fives and Hand Grenades.
If this NYT photo was on a t-shirt, that’s what I’d write under it. (Think about it…)
But what about you, guys? Any other suggestions? Yeah, as we head into our final preseason weekend — yes! — we thought it would be fun to hear some of your best caption ideas for this photo, keeping in mind it touched American Apparel fabric.
So… let’s hear ‘em, peeps. Virtual high five (and maybe a hand grenade emoticon) to the best one(s)…
Have a good weekend, Happy Halloween, and remember… do take candy from strangers, kids!
(Bonus: Ah, shit… why not, eh? … Two Knicks Just Chillin’)
Comments (11)NBA Prep Work: Knicks
As part of The Basketball Jones extensive ‘06-07 season preview, I’ve been awarded the honor of going “one-on-one” with a representative from all 30 NBA teams. (No, not really.)
Today I grabbed a coffee with New York Knicks guard Jalen Rose. Our conversation follows:
ONE-ON-ONE WITH … JALEN ROSE
J.E. Skeets: So what you get?
Jalen Rose: Um … [sips coffee] … an Arabian Mocha Sanani. It’s my go-to.
Skeets: Ah, sort of like that forced baseline jumper you always throw up.
Rose: If you mean wild and exotic, with an aroma of spice … yes.
Skeets: That’s not what I meant.
Rose: Oh, um … I’m not sure then. What do you mean?
Skeets: Never mind. Jalen, you play for the New York Knicks. How often do you cry yourself to sleep?
Rose: I don’t.
Skeets: You don’t?
Rose: OK, I have once.
Skeets: Just once?
Rose: A week.
Skeets: Jaaaaalen…
Rose: OK, a night. I cry myself to sleep once a night. You happy?
Skeets: I am not trying to hurt you, Jalen. I’m trying to help you.
Rose: Well I don’t know what this has to with the upcoming season.
Skeets: Jalen, if I told you I cried like 6, 7 times a day, would you think less of me? You know, as a man?
Rose: No.
Skeets: Well good, because I do. I cry a lot, Jalen. And it hurts. Bad.
Rose: What could possible make you cry that much?
Skeets: Jalen, I cry for the baby seals.
Rose: Huh? Why?
Skeets: Because someone’s got to goddamnit. Look, I don’t want to talk about it…
Rose: That’s really weird man. Why would you cry 7 times a day for seals?
Skeets: You’re diving too deep man. I said I don’t want to talk about it.
Rose: Jesus, I’m sorry…
Skeets: Look, I can’t get into it, it’s still so raw…
Rose: Fine, I don’t really care.
Skeets: Hey! You don’t have to be a dick about it.
Rose: Sorry, I didn’t mean it like tha– look, I do care. Can we just get the questions going here?
Skeets: Yes. First question: Why don’t you care about the baby seals?
Rose: Oh come on man…
Skeets: Every year the Canadian government clubs and shoots over three hundred thousand baby seals. Three hundred thousand, Jalen! Three, zero, zero, zero–
Rose: I. Don’t. Care.
Skeets: How? How can you not care? How can you sit there in your nice suit, and your nice shoes, and sleep in your nice silk pajamas, and not care about little baby seals? Tell me. Tell me how?
Rose: I’m sorry, I just don’t. I just … I guess it doesn’t affect me, that’s all.
Skeets: It doesn’t affect you? Oh, oh, I’m sorry … yeah, maybe if Nick Van Exel had thrown a dead baby seal on your head instead of a towel, then yeah … sure, then you’d be ‘affected’, right?
Rose: What? That makes absolutely no sense.
Skeets: Oh, it doesn’t, does it?
Rose: No. None at all.
Skeets: Pfft. Well I guess we know were you stand on this matter.
Rose: Oh my God, are you for real?
Skeets: I ain’t no ones and zeros buddy! Next question: Why do you not give a flying fuck about the baby seals?
Rose: OK, that’s it, I’m out of here. You’re really starting to creep me out. Thanks for the coffee.
Skeets: Oh, yeah, run away. Run home to your video games and pinstripes, where you don’t have to think about all the baby seals being killed. Go!
Comments (6)“Hey, Marbury, Just Pass It To Will!”
I know you’ve heard a million of them already, but seriously … when’s Isiah going to sign Will Smith to that five-year, $35 million deal?
And better yet, when he does sign, will the Knicks shorten MSG’s basketball court by about 60 feet so Will can dominate?
Fresh Prince Vs. Isiah Thomas [YouTube]
Comments (3)“Look ‘Ma, I Shot 2-for-18!”
The fine tradition of Knicks summer basketball camps continues with the 12th Annual John Starks Basketball Camp.
Running August 21st to the 25th, the John Starks Basketball Camp will once again focus on teaching the youth of New York about offense, passion, and whimsical mustaches.
On the court, campers will learn a vast set of offensive skills such as how to shoot the three, how to hit the long ball, and how to score from downtown. Additionally, qualified staff counselors will run competitive “dunking in traffic” drills to help separate the strong from the weak.
Off the court, campers will attend informative classes such as, “Controlling Emotional Outbursts” and “Intensity: Make it Your Middle Name”.
The camp is open to boys & girls, ages 7-14, and of all skill levels.
Cost if $350 per student, which includes lunch, a t-shirt, and a 10-day contract with the New York Knicks.
Space is limited. Register now!
John Starks Basketball Camp [John Starks Foundation]
Comments (2)The Greatest Show On Earth …
… and the best Knicks photoshop ever. [Globetrotter]
Comments (3)Jalen Rose Is A Gamer …
Up, Down, Up, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, A, B, A, B, Select, Start…
From the NBA.com homepage today:
Knick Jalen Rose is about to take his game to a whole different level. The avid video gamer will compete in the inaugural season of the Hip-Hop Gaming League (HHGL) along with such music impresarios as Method Man, B-Real and Tyrese. HHGL action begins this spring and concludes in May with a live Finals event in Las Vegas presided over by commissioner Snoop Dogg.
Yeah, here’s hoping that the game they play is World Class Track Meet on the Nintendo Power Pad. I mean, come on — Jalen Rose battling Paul Wall in the 100m dash? Wow…
Comments (8)Two Knicks Just Chillin’
Stephon: So… is she hot?
Steve: Sorry?
Stephon: Is she hot?
Steve: Who?
Stephon: The chick you’ve been staring at for the last two minutes?
Steve: Oh. Haha. No, I don’t stare at girls– er, I wasn’t staring at no girl.
Stephon: You bang her?
Steve: What? No.
Stephon: Suuuure…
Steve: I didn’t.
Stephon: Yeeeeah, okay…
[Awkward silence]
Stephon: Well who were you staring at then?
Steve: I wasn’t staring at anyone. I was just thinking.
Stephon: About what?
Steve: Oh, I don’t know. I guess I was just thinking about how good Bosh is going to be once he adds some muscle–
Stephon: –What a dick.
Steve: Oh, yeah? I’ve never really seen it in person but I’ve heard from a–
Stephon: –Coach Brown. What a dick, eh?.
Steve: Oh, yeah. Ha-ha. Coach Brown. Thought you we’re talking about–
Stephon: –Can you believe this guy? Calling Starbury out in the media like that.
Steve: Yeah…
Stephon: Fuck he really gets under Starbury’s skin.
Steve: Oh, well I’ve got a great body wash you could borrow if you think it’d–
Stephon: –FUCK!!!
Steve: Um, okay… I’m going to just stop talking now…
[Awkward silence]
Stephon: So who you taking off?
Steve: Oh, um… Nate, I think.
Stephon: No, no, Starbury’s taking off Nate.
Steve: Oh, you are? Because I think Coach Brown just told me to–
Stephon: –I said, Starbury’s taking off Nate.
Steve: Well, um, that’s great but maybe we should just check with Coach–
Stephon: –Woah! Listen! Starbury is taking off Nate. Capiche?
Steve: Yeah, okay, okay. Starbury is taking off Nate. Got it.
[Awkward silence]
Steve: Why do you have to talk like that?
Stephon: Like what?
Steve: That whole ‘Starbury’ thing you do.
Stephon: Huh? Starbury don’t know what you’re talking about.
Steve: That! That right there. You just said ‘Starbury’ when you could’ve said ‘I’.
Stephon: Starbury did?
Steve: You just did it again!
Stephon: No?
Steve: Yeah!
Stephon: Wow, that’s weird. Starbury didn’t even know Starbury did that.
Steve: Oh, fuck off.
Stephon: Hahaha…
Steve: Just fuck off. You’re an ass.
Stephon: Hahaha… Starbury hearts Steve.
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The Basketball Jones is a NBA blog and podcast, written and recorded five times a week by J.E. Skeets, Tas Melas and Jason Doyle. Comments, questions and cold hard cash are always welcome and much appreciated. Contact us.
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