30 Teams / 30 Hours: Hollywood Kobe
You know, one can never have too many NBA season previews. (That’s a lie.) Which is why we present a new series to add to the list: The Basketball Jones’ 30 Teams in 30 Hours NBA Season Preview. Yup. It is what it is.
3:00a / Los Angeles Lakers: Kobe Bryant, everyday in Lakers practice: “Well, ya know something Mean Kupchak… I train, I say my prayers, I eat my vitamins, brother! And this *points to his hand* this is where the power lies, brother! God created the Heavens, he created the Earth! He created Kobe! And then, and only then, he created a basketball, brother! So listen, duuuuude! If it wasn’t for Kobe Bryant, Phil Jackson would still be selling meat from a truck in Montana. So what’cha gonna do, brother? What’cha gonna do? What’cha gonna do when the K-O-B-E runs wild on you?” (Answer: trade him.)
Skeets says: 3rd in the Pacific
Tas says: 3rd in the Pacific
(Don’t forget to check out Monday’s NBA season predictions podcast, brother!)
Comments (1)Kobe Fade
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel right now. Having just watched Kobe Bryant, a man at the pinnacle of his career, at what may his lowest point ever. Last night, the Lakers took on the Jazz. Preseason scores couldn’t mean less but it was Kobe’s demeanor that said a whole lot.
That’s it in my opinion. It’s over. Kobe will force his way out of LA sooner rather than later. He sulked and pouted to a 4-of-16 performance, rarely able to look at his “unworthy” teammates. He missed jams, made cuts with no purpose and threw up an uncontested air ball from inside the 3 point arc. The best player in the game was wide left by a good foot on a jump shot he hasn’t missed since Allan Houston was a relevant NBA player.
Everything has caught up to him. Watching him mope around reminded me of Vince Carter whining his way out of Toronto. This, however, is different. Every front office employee knows Kobe remains the best in the game while some worried that Carter was done. The Lakers will receive talent in return for one of the greatest ever. Unlike the Raptors, the Lakers appear willing to wait for a viable offer.
When Kobe commenced his number 24 era at the beginning of the ‘06-’07 season, he was ready to start the climb of reaching Michael Jordan at the peak. Now, at the age of 29, Kobe will not allow Owner Jerry Buss and GM Mitch Kupchak to stop him in his quest. Wilt Chamberlain did it, Shaquille O’Neal did it, Allen Iverson did it, Kevin Garnett even did it, but no one ever bitched and complained about getting out as much as Kobe.
That’s why I have trouble looking at Kobe the way he should be admired. He has one of the most special skill sets ever, yet his attitude and history keep us from loving him. Maybe a fresh start will erase the negatives from our minds, or maybe he’ll carry a Barry Bonds type legacy in to retirement. He escaped the lack of love that goes along with rape charges but this cry baby phase will surely resonate with fans a whole lot longer.
Comments (8)WeTube: Chick Hearn’s 80’s Rap Attack
I always knew Girl Talk sampled from a vast selection of music genres. But mashing up Lakers’ long-time play-by-play announcer Chick Hearn’s calls? That’s just going the extra mile, you know?
Comments (3)WeTube: Pat Riley’s Acid Indigestion Days
Three things I just love about this commercial: 1) Marv calling the action. You just know he wanted a few extra dollars so he could treat himself to another pair of kinky leather chaps. 2) Riley’s ageless hair. It’s unbelievable. Has a single strand of hair even moved on his head since 1988? I doubt it. That gel should be inducted into the Hall of Fame, folks. And 3) The white Magic Johnson. Just brilliant.
Comments (7)Welcome to the Internets, Lamar
I have no idea why I’m telling you that Lamar Odom has a new website, but I am, and he does. Right here.
It’s a pretty tech-wiz savvy piece of work (industry language), complete with features on Odom, moving pictures, wallpapers that highlight the pulsing veins and lots of other HTML goodies. It’s also got links to Odom’s music and clothing label, Rich Soil, which I had no idea he dabbled in, but probably should have. (Rich Soil’s first solo act is some Queens rapper named Ali Vegas. Ever heard of him? He spits fucking slow. Is that the new, cool style?)
Again, I have no why I just told you this. I guess I felt like writing something, and well, it was either this, or discussing the Pacers. I think I made the right decision.
LamarOdom.com [The Internets]
Lamar Odom Vows to Crush KB24com!!! [LA Times: Lakers Blog]
Britney to Kobe: “I’m A Slave 4 U”
From the Los Angeles Times via MJD in the Haus:
Britney Spears was wearing a Kobe Bryant jersey the other night as a dress (photo) for a Lakers game along with two friends, who were wearing Chris Mihm and Luke Walton jerseys. I wonder where you can find a Mihm jersey these days?
At one point during the game, Spears and her two pals held up a sign that read: “We love you, Kobe, Chris and Luke.”
Um, yeah, I have nothing else to add to this. I really just wanted a reason to throw up a picture of a young, hot looking Spears. What the fuck happened to her? So sad.
Britney Loves Kobe [NBA FanHouse]
Is She Dating A Baller??? [Perez Hilton]
(One love to SLAM(!) for half of the photo. I’ll let you guess which part.)
Comments (3)Macho Man Randy Savage Sues Kobe Over ‘Elbow’
Former pro wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage is suing Kobe Bryant, claiming the NBA superstar has illegally adopted his trademark move — “the Savage elbow” — as his own.
The suit accuses Bryant of trademark and copyright infringement as well as misappropriation of the move. Savage is seeking an injunction, unspecified monetary damages and a lifetime supply of Slim Jims.
Savage’s lawyer, Jimmy Hart, said the Macho Man brought the legal action against the Los Angeles Lakers guard in order to protect his livelihood. He just doesn’t dig it.
“People would come up to Randy and ask him if he was letting Kobe use it or if he had taught it to him, Daddy-O,” Hart said of the move, which he claims his client created in the early 80’s and copyrighted years ago.
Over the past six weeks, Bryant has appeared to use slight variations of Savage’s go-to move. On Monday, Bryant was assessed a flagrant foul by the league for elbowing Sixers’ guard Kyle Korver. Earlier in the season he received one-game suspensions for elbowing Manu Ginobili and Mark Jaric in the face.
Hart said he first took the matter directly to Bryant’s lawyers, but they were not receptive, saying that the real issue was how Anderson Varejao was “running wild.”
Hart said he provided Bryant’s people with magazine covers, various merchandise and video footage dating back to Wrestlemania VII showing Savage landing five consecutive “elbow drops” on the Ultimate Warrior.
Ohhhhh yeahhhh… Bryant’s attorneys could not be reached for comment.
NBA Reportedly Investigating Another Kobe Elbow [NBA FanHouse]
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Comments (21)NBA Cheerleading
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Watching Lakers’ games has changed for me. I’m always waiting for something big to happen so I can watch Ronny Turiaf go bananas. He went buck last night against the Spurs and made me spit up my Ritz. NBA dance squads: your jobs are in jeopardy.
Comments (6)Romance on the Hardwood: Kobe & Andrew
playing: “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak
Kobe: C’mere you big bear. My turn.
Andrew: Oh, um… okay.
Kobe: My goodness. Go-go Gadget arms! Hahaha…
Andrew: Ha.
Kobe: Seriously, you’re a tall drink of water. What? Six-eight? Six-nine?
Andrew: 7-feet.
Kobe: No.
Andrew: Yup.
Kobe: Wow. You’re like a freaking Tom Collins then. Hahaha…
Andrew: Sorry?
Kobe: A Collins glass. Drink.
Andrew: I don’t get it.
Kobe: How old are you?
Andrew: Just turned nineteen.
Kobe: Oh. Ha. Never mind.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: So tell me, Andrew, what are “the kids” into nowadays?
Andrew: What do you mean?
Kobe: Like, what’s hip? What’s cool?
Andrew: Oh. Um…
Kobe: Pogs?
Andrew: Huh?
Kobe: Are pogs still cool?
Andrew: No.
Kobe: Sea monkeys? How about sea monkeys?
Andrew: Um, I don’t–
Kobe: Sea monkeys were the shit! They were asexual, you know.
Andrew: I did not.
Kobe: True story.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: I sometimes wish I were asexual.
Andrew: Wow.
Kobe: Oh yeah, I’d spawn hundreds of me. Take over the whole fucking league, you know.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: Think about that for a second. I’d be like, the leading scorer for every single game.
Andrew: Um, yeah, guess you wou–
Kobe: People would be all like, “Hey, dude, who was the leading scorer in that Hawks-Kings game last night?” And they’d be all like, “Oh. Kobe … again!”
Andrew: I should really get goi–
Kobe: I could lead the entire top-ten in scoring! Hahaha…
Andrew: OK, you’re scaring me a litt–
Kobe: Oh! Oh! Christmas Day! Kobe versus Kobe!
Andrew: Kobe, you’re hurting my neck.
Kobe: Stay tuned at half for an exclusive Kobe Bryant interview hosted by…
Andrew: Please let go–
Kobe: … Kobe Bryant! Or Mamba! Hahaha… yeah, Mamba versus Kobe! I could bring back #8! Yeah, we could have #8 Kobe versus #24 Kobe! Oh, this is good! Are you jotting these down?
Andrew: Ahhhhhh!!!
[Andrew breaks free]
Andrew: You’re fucking crazy, man!
[Andrew runs away, sobbing]
Kobe: Why are you crying? Where you going? I was just– I was just kidding, Andrew. I won’t bring back #8. Andrew wait! Andrew…
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: I think those l’il things could also breathe through their feet. Shit. That’d be cool too…
****************************************
Romance on the Hardwood: The Series
Kobe & Pargo: “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”
Kobe & Pargo (Pt. 2): “Wonderful Tonight”
Gilbert & Deron: “Unchained Melody”
LeBron & Vince: “All My Life”
Kobe & Nash: “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)”
Jason & Anthony: “Put Your Head On My Shoulder”
(Bonus: Romance on the Gridiron — Ben & Kurt: “Truly, Madly, Deeply” at KSK)
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Comments (14)“Higher… Higher… Right… Perfect.”
Have I mentioned how happy I am to have the season back yet?
(Bonus: Here’s another pic of Sasha contracting gonorrhea. — thx Ravi)
Comments (0)About
The Basketball Jones is a NBA blog and podcast, written and recorded five times a week by J.E. Skeets, Tas Melas and Jason Doyle. Comments, questions and cold hard cash are always welcome and much appreciated. Contact us.
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