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Comments (0)30 Teams / 30 Hours: O’Brien Sets A New Pace
You know, one can never have too many NBA season previews. (That’s a lie.) Which is why we present another series to add to the list: The Basketball Jones’ 30 Teams in 30 Hours NBA Season Preview. Yup. It is what it is.
10:00p / Indiana Pacers: Losing coach Jim O’Brien’s analyses on ESPN is heartbreaking. He’s better than having to deal with this team. Word has it he only accepted the position if he was to be the sole figure in the Pacers’ marketing campaign. Hey, if you can’t floor a half decent squad, get people jumpin’ about your middle aged coach, right? I don’t buy this being a race thing, I mean, there are plenty of token white guys to publicize on this roster. Speaking of those gents, this is the year of Mike Dunleavy Jr. Book it. I call it every year, it’s bound to happen at some point. And, sorry all you Travis Diener fans, this is the season Jamaal Tinsley puts it all together. That is, until Stephen Jackson invites JT out for a night at the rips. Hey Indiana, this gun’s for you.
Tas says: 5th in the Central
Skeets says: 5th in the Central
(Hey, Ginger Balls: Don’t forget to check out today’s NBA season predictions podcast.)
Comments (0)NBA Mascots Are Thugs
As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, Boomer, the Indiana Pacers’ mascot, is being sued for tackling a man during a free-throw shooting contest in March 2005.
The victim, Nathaniel Jackson, alleges he was still recovering from back surgery when Boomer laid him right the fuck out. Jackson seeks compensation for his medical bills, lost income, pain, suffering and “permanent injuries.” It’s a sad, sad story, and one that will probably just end with someone be spayed and neutered.
But here’s the truly depressing part: This incident is just the latest in a long series of felonies and misdemeanors involving current NBA mascots…
Offender: Clutch
Date Of Birth: 1995-11-03
Crime: Was summoned for indecent exposure after police received a report that he was walking in the area of Hunters Creek Village waving his shorts in the air, exposing his gray junk.
Offender: Harry the Hawk
Date Of Birth: 1985-10-25
Crime: Was charged with driving his mini-motorcycle while under the influence of alcohol or drugs (DUI) and failure to drive on the proper side of the sidewalk.
Offender: Moondog
Date Of Birth: 2003-11-05
Crime: Was charged with the 2004 murder of an Ohioan woman. Authorities believe Moondog became enraged with the woman after she refused to stop staring at him while he was dropping a park deuce.
Offender: Hugo
Date Of Birth: 1988-11-04
Crime: Was arrested for shoplifting from a 7-Eleven in Oklahoma. Security cameras mounted behind the cashier showed the NOOCH mascot pocketing two issues of SWANK.
Offender: Rocky
Date of Birth: 1990-12-15
Crime: Rape.
Offender: Burnie
Date Of Birth: 1992
Crime: Was sued in 1994 for dropping a woman during an exhibition game in Puerto Rico. Incredibly, he faced 20 years in jail after being charged with aggravated assault and battery, and was also sued for $1 million dollars for causing emotional distress. The case was settled for $50,000. (Note: I didn’t make this one up.)
Kinda Ballin’: The AZ Rankings
When you’re on top of the rankings, you have nowhere to go but down. But when you’re at the bottom of the rankings, you just suck ass. Thus, by process of elimination, the middle of the rankings is the ideal place to be.
Every Tuesday This Thursday, the AZ Rankings lists the four two most ho-hum teams in the league. Why? Because mediocrity is deadly, people. Dead-ly. (And because I’m stupid busy at work…)
Last week it was NOOCH, Washington, Indiana, and Philly. This week…
15. Indiana Pacers: Ah, the grizzled vets of this pointlessness. For the third week in a row the Indiana Pacers make an appearance on the AZ Rankings. I told you they’d always be here. I do love the fact that they’re exactly .500 though; perfectly on “pace” for another 41-41 season of average-ness. (See what I did there?)
16. Washington Wizards: So yin-and-yang it’s scary: Damn near unstoppable at home; winless on the road. Perfect when Agent Zero drops 40+; ass-cakes when he struggles. Their #1 fan can drop $70 on a sick, customized hoodie; can’t afford a digital camera. Sigh.
Comments (1)Kinda Ballin’: The AZ Rankings
When you’re on top of the rankings, you have nowhere to go but down. But when you’re at the bottom of the rankings, you just suck ass. Thus, by process of elimination, the middle of the rankings is the ideal place to be.
Every Tuesday, the AZ Rankings lists the four most ho-hum teams in the league. Why? Because mediocrity is deadly, people. Dead-ly.
Last week it was Indy, Minny, Golden State-y, and Milwaukee. This week…
14. New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets: I tried watching the Hornets play last Sunday with my dangerously hung-over friend, Ken. Ugh. The Bee’s had like, 12 turnovers in the first 9 minutes. Didn’t take long to realize watching Ken try to keep down Cheetohs, Fuzzy Peaches, and Ginger Ale was much more entertaining. (Note: Tyson Chandler’s mo-hawk is even ordinary!)
15. Washington Wizards: I feel a l’il dirty about placing my third fourth favorite team in this spot — easy, UM — but well… they deserve it. They’re playing like a bunch of rusty seesaws down by Marsh Pond. (No, not because they’re playing up-and-down, but because they smell like bird shit and kiddie pee.) Stop floundering, stop stepping backwards, and stop wasting AGENT ZERO!
16. Indiana Pacers: Uh-oh. I’ve already run out of ways to describe the Pacers’ mediocrity, even though I know they’ll be on this list every single week. Um… um… JO’s forehead looks smaller since he shaved the rows, no?
17. Philadelphia 76ers: Two things: 1) I’m sticking with my “Sixers will suck / Iverson will be traded” prediction. Yeah, don’t be fooled by the 3-3 record; this team sucks and they’ll be huffing paint in the basement with the Knicks soon enough. 2) When it’s all said and done, I think this kid’s cackle (at the :18 mark) might best sum up this Sixers season.
Comments (1)Kinda Ballin’: The AZ Rankings
When you’re on top of the rankings, you have nowhere to go but down (see: Utah). But when you’re at the bottom of the rankings, you really just suck ass (see: New York). Thus, by scientific process of elimination, the middle of the pack is the ideal place to be.
Starting today — and following every Tuesday from here on out — I’ll pick and rank the NBA’s four most-average teams. Why? Because mediocrity is deadly, people. Dead-ly.
14. Indiana Pacers: Along with stripper guacamole cooch, this team reeks of mediocrity. Their contributing point guard Darrell, is like, 76-years-old, and their All-Star forward Jermaine, may well be the most average “superstar” of our time. With that said, Rick Carlisle could coach a team of mannequins into the playoffs, so this team will definitely strive for five… hundred.
15. Minnesota Timberwolves: Back in university I hosted my own “comedy” radio show called J.E. Skeets & Co. (True story.) I’d play music; talk about current events; and occasionally, come up with skits and/or segments. One such segment was called “Find Me A Mid-Game James”. The premise was simple. I knew a big guy named James (a Big-Game James, if you will), and I knew a little guy named James (a Small-Game James), but I didn’t know a medium-built James (um, yes, a Mid-Game James.) So… I’d get out a phonebook and call people, on air, to see if they knew a Mid-Game James. That was it. It was oddly compelling radio. Anyway, my point is, I consider this year’s T-Wolves my sort of Mid-Game James. Figure it out.
16. Golden State Warriors: This is an odd spot for the annual basement-dwelling Warriors. Every pre-season — dating back to like, 1994 — the Blue-Men are the trendy pick to make the playoffs, but of course, every year, they disappoint and finish deep in the lottery. (Where they draft studs like Todd Fuller!) But this year… this year is different. I can feel it. Now look, I’m not saying they’ll finally make the playoffs or anything, but I think they’ll be close.
17. Milwaukee Bucks: Every time someone talks Bucks’ basketball all I hear in my head is that Peanuts teacher’s trumpet-voice. You know, “Mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa, Redd. Mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa, Charlie V. Mwa-mwa, Bogut, mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa, Aussie.” Are they average? Yes, ma’am.
(Note: Why the AZ Rankings? Commenter “stopmikelupica” explains:
“We used to have our own word for mediocre — AZ. As in the rapper AZ, from the ‘Bridge (part of The Firm, with Foxy, Nas and Cormega). To us he was the definition of .500. He had talent, but not skills. All you could ever say about AZ was “he’s alright… yep, he’s alright…”. No one could ever muster an adjective other than “alright” when describing him.”
Yup. Works for me…)
Comments (7)I Love The Indiana Pacers!
Warning: You might want to wear some Ronco BBQ gloves for this one, kids. Yeah, she’s pretty piping-hot off the presses…
Straight from ESPN’s Indiana Pacers’ Special Preview comes this fascinating find:
What would it take for you to get a tattoo of the Pacers’ logo on your chest?
The Indiana Pacers are by no means “my team,” but what can I say; I’m a sucker for fresh logo ink. (I have matching raptor and grizzly bear tats on my quads!)
So if a bizarro Rick Carlisle gets small-ball to work — with JO, Harrington, Granger, and whatever backcourt results after the legal system has its way — the Pacers will run the baffled opposition out of the gym. I’ll get a large “P” permanently etched on my chest. Well, that, or they could just get me some free “dances” at Indianapolis’ finest “gentlemen’s club”. Either/or really …
– J.E. Skeets | thebasketballjones.net
Um, yeah… don’t look at me. I have no idea how it got there either…
(Many, many thanks to Henry at TrueHoop and Royce “Da How’Tall” Webb at ESPN for quite possibly scarring my pasty-white chest for life. Hey, I’m a man of my words…)
Indiana Pacers’ Special Preview [Daily Dime / ESPN]
Comments (7)I’d Like to Buy a Banjo
If you’re a ball fan, you’ve got feelings about the upcoming season stirring inside you. You just know that a certain team is going to have a monster year. You can visualize another squad having major setbacks. Come on, you watch the games. You know the tendencies of the clubs you follow.
Thankfully, you can bet on these hunches.
Although Skeets and I will give you a winner versus the spread every night during the regular season, we’ll be firing some money makers at you during training camp. My 1st pick is on the over/under line for total wins this year by the Pacers:
Indiana – 44.5 – OVER
The silence in Pacer-land is sweet, sweet music. This team was a powerhouse only 2 years ago in 2004 when a well tossed beer ruined their chances of something great. They were coming off an Eastern Conference Finals loss to the Pistons and 61 regular season wins. Since the brawl, it has been very difficult for the entire organization to concentrate on the actual game. The distractions have been endless and I expect this group of talented veterans to come out focused.
The way Indiana handled the Ron Artest saga and major injuries to key players like Jermaine O’Neal and Jamaal Tinsley last season, it’s amazing Rick Carlisle squeezed out 41 wins. Carlisle is continuously underrated but remains a fantastic coach. He has won 60% of his regular season games and always seems to get the most out of his players. The addition of Marquis Daniels and the return of Al Harrington make this team much more athletic and they can both slash when J-O gets doubled. With O’Neal back in stellar form, Tinsley healthy, Danny Granger, Stephen Jackson and Sarunas Jasikevicius a year older, a rock solid Jeff Foster in the middle, and the ability to simply focus on basketball, look for this bunch to perform like they did pre-Auburn Hills incident.
A major downfall for Indiana is that they play in a division with the Bulls, Cavs, Pistons and Bucks. And yes, they lost Peja Stojakovic and Fred Jones to free agency. But this core group has excelled before and now all things have been set up for them to do it again.
Comments (5)Al Harrington, Al Harrington. Al Harrington? Al Harrington.
I’ve got to agree with The Mighty MJD; all this “where’s Al Harrington going to sign?” talk has got to end. Now. Seriously, just look at all the Al Harrington headlines from the past few weeks or so. He’s everywhere!
Golden State Revs Up Al Harrington Hunt
– San Francisco ChronicleBreaking News: Al Harrington To Indiana?
– SLAMonlineAl Harrington Returning To The Pacers … Probably
– HoopsvibeWolves Re-Enter The Al Harrington Chase?
– RealGMAl Harrington: Still Likely Headed Back To Indiana
– RotowireAl Harrington Orders Nationwide Art Invetory
– Voice of AmericaAl Harrington: Still Likely Breathing
– Ascent MagazineAl Harrington’s Cowboy Frank Butler Wows Crowd In ‘Annie Get Your Gun’
– Ultimate ProsUS Pushes Air Security To Al Harrington Level For First Time
– CNET News.comObserver: “Al Harrington Puts Family Ahead Of Breakfast”
– Headline NewsRaptors, Bucks, Bobcats, Blazers, Lakers, Kings, Magic, Celtics, Nets, Heat, Grizzlies, And The Seattle Storm Of The WNBA Interested In Al Harrington
– The Sports ReviewStep Into My Boudoir, Al Harrington
– Isaiah Thomas’ Blog
Al Harrington Is Becoming The Barbaro Of The NBA
[The Mighty MJD]
(UPDATE: Al Harrington.)
Comments (2)About
The Basketball Jones is a NBA blog and podcast, written and recorded five times a week by J.E. Skeets, Tas Melas and Jason Doyle. Comments, questions and cold hard cash are always welcome and much appreciated. Contact us.
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