Eat, Drink, Tuck In Your Jersey
For some reason over the weekend, goathair from The Blowtorch took to Melas-ing his friends Ben Wallace jersey over a down vest. I’m going to go out on a limb and say alcohol was involved.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone.
Comments (4)Troy Murphy, Licensed Spray Tanner
Via Indy Cornrows
Comments (0)The Dallas Little Ponies: Has a Nice Ring to It, No?
What? I laughed…
Mark Cuban Seeks New Image [Sons of Steve Garvey]
(via Just Call Me Juice)
Comments (2)The NBA Really Loves St. Patrick’s Day …
For the second consecutive year, the NBA will celebrate St. Patrick’s Day by rolling out the Boston Celtics, Chicago Bulls and New York Knicks in specially designed green uniforms. (Remember those Knicks’ beauties?)
But the fun doesn’t stop there, you Irish loving bastards. Yeah, my trusted NBA sources tell me three additional teams will also get into the holiday spirit during home games this week. Check it out:
In Washington, the Wizards have announced that they will put aside the Gatorade for a night, and instead chug Ireland’s famous stout, Guinness, March 17 against the New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets. Gilbert Arenas has already predicted he’s going for 80 … pints.
In Memphis, Grizzlies forward Pau Gasol has announced that he will dye his beard green for the March 17 game against the Chicago Bulls.
“I like to show my Irish roots,” said the Spaniard. “I dye face like river in Chicago where I wish to be traded. I send message loud and clear. It’s sacrifice I pay to have intestines hurt with pain.”
Finally, in Cleveland, the Cavaliers have announced that a 3-foot tall leprechaun, Cieran, will start at point March 17th against the Utah Jazz. The diminutive guard has incredible court vision and is quick and agile. In fact, take your eye off him, and he vanishes. Eric Snow was unavailable for comment.
NBA Teams Paint the Town Green With Special Edition St. Patrick’s Day Uniforms [NBA.com]
St. Patrick’s Day Greetings [The Basketball Jones]
(A million thanks to Howie at NBA Basketball and Other Unrelatedness for the photoshop gold.)
Comments (5)Romance on the Hardwood: Carmelo and Allen
playing: “Kiss From a Rose” by Seal
Carmelo: Shhhh, there there.
Allen: I missed you so much.
Carmelo: I know, I know.
Allen: It’s been tough, Carmelo.
Carmelo: OK…
Allen: I felt so… so…
Carmelo: Just let it out.
Allen: So cold.
Carmelo: It’s OK. Your Bunsen burner’s here.
[Awkward silence]
Allen: It’s so good to have you back.
Carmelo: It’s great to be back.
Allen: Did you miss me?
Carmelo: Yes.
Allen: Really?
Carmelo: Of course! C’mon, what type of question is that?
Allen: I don’t know. I’m fragile.
Carmelo: Well, I am.
Allen: OK, cool.
[Awkward silence]
Allen: I thought I was going to die.
Carmelo: Huh?
Allen: I thought I was going to die without you.
Carmelo: Please…
Allen: I did! Things were so dark, Carmelo.
Carmelo: OK, now you’re just being dramatic.
Allen: I am not. Kleiza’s horrible!
Carmelo: Calm down.
Allen: No! He is. And Camby! My God. Camby’s creepy lanky!
Carmelo: OK, easy…
Allen: I thought I was going to die.
Carmelo: Sure.
[Awkward silence]
Allen: *quietly sobbing*
Carmelo: Holy shit. Now what?
Allen: It’s– It’s– It’s–
Carmelo: Why are you crying?
Allen: It’s great to have you back.
Carmelo: You already said that.
Allen: I mean it, Carmelo. It really is.
Carmelo: Yeah yeah, awesome.
[Awkward silence]
Carmelo: Hey, whatta say we stop dancing for a sec? Grab a drink or something?
Allen: What? During Seal? No! I love Seal!
Carmelo: Shit, right, I forget. Sorry.
Allen: You know how much I love Seal, Carmelo. The way he’s overcome such adversity in his life. You know how I relate to that!
Carmelo: Yup.
Allen: He battled discoid lupus as a child, Carmelo! Discoid lupus!
Carmelo: Right, good.
Allen: Do you know what discoid lupus is, Carmelo?
Carmelo: Why must you keep saying my name? And yes, of course I do. I just forgot that–
Allen: Discoid lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease that debilitates the immune system, attacking the body’s cells an–
Carmelo: And tissues, resulting in inflammation and sometimes permanent skin damage. Yes, I know. His face is fucked.
Allen: For you to even suggest we stop dance–
Carmelo: We’re dancing, we’re dancing! Fuck. Just drop it.
[Awkward silence]
Allen: It’s really great to have you back.
Carmelo: I want to punch you.
****************************************
Romance on the Hardwood: The Series
Kobe & Pargo: “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”
Kobe & Pargo (Pt. 2): “Wonderful Tonight”
Gilbert & Deron: “Unchained Melody”
LeBron & Vince: “All My Life”
Kobe & Nash: “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)”
Jason & Anthony: “Put Your Head On My Shoulder”
Kobe & Andrew: “Wicked Game”
(Bonus: Romance on the Gridiron — Ben & Kurt: “Truly, Madly, Deeply” at KSK)
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Comments (6)Searching For Sammy Mitchell
Sam Mitchell coaching the St. Alexander Junior High Chess Team:
Are we gonna beat our opponents using our superior chess knowledge? No.
Are we gonna beat them using our precisely practiced skills? No.
Are we gonna beat them with our highly researched strategies? No.
I’ll tell you how we’re going to beat them. Hustle. Pure hustle. I want all of you to punch the clock within the first 7 seconds. I don’t care how good or bad your move is. Just punch that fucking clock. Now, I know you’re going to be forced into some bad positions. You may lose your rook, you may lose your queen, but by god, you’ll do it with 110% grit and determination.
Words: MattO | Picture: Howie | Me: Speechless
Comments (13)Coal Region Recipes With Sam Mitchell
Hi, kids. I’m Sam Mitchell, former Minnesota Timberwolves forward, current Toronto Raptors head coach, and all-around great chef. Welcome to my rugged, steel kitchen.
Today I’m going to teach you how to make one hell of a mean bean soup. Trust me, it’ll be hearty. Just like my heart. Very hearty.
But before we begin, please note that I’ve only ever offered my hard work and give-it-all mentality to teams with ferocious animal monikers. As a scrapper, I can respect the passion and hustle that comes with being a wolf in the wild or a raptor in the exotic jungle on some far away island. I would never, ever, ever work for some pussy organization like the “Magic”. I’m a man’s man, dammit. In fact, if you’re wearing an apron right now, get the fuck out.
Okay… let’s cook!
First, we need to round up our ingredients. Like coaching, if you don’t have the right ingredients — if you don’t have the right players — you’re pretty much screwed. Me, I like to have a lot of ingredients on hand. You know, just because a bean soup recipe doesn’t call for cottage cheese, doesn’t mean I won’t sometimes throw it in. I like to experiment a little. Mix and match different flavors. I find it really keeps the taste buds on their toes.
So, here’s what we need:
1 pound beans
1 1/2 pounds of ham
8 cups cold water
2 cups celery
1/2 cup onion
1/2 cup potatoes
1 1-pound canned tomatoes
2 teaspoons minced parsley
Salt and pepper
Okay, now that we’ve got our goods, whatta say we put this bean soup together, folks?
Pre-heat oven to “hot”. Take the beans, ham, celery, onions, potatoes, and tomatoes, and put them in a bowl. Bake for 46-minutes. Add the parsley for the final 2-minutes. Season with salt and pepper and 8 cups of water. Serve.
Yes, it’s that simple! Look, kids, I can’t stress this enough… never, ever over think or have any sort of game plan before entering the kitchen to cook. It’ll cloud your judgment. As long as you can motivate the potatoes to hustle, and the celery to give nothing less than 110%, everything should come together at the end.
Bon appétit! (I learned French while playing pro ball in France and working hard at life.)
(Thx to HoopsAddict for the photo.)
Comments (7)Romance on the Hardwood: Kobe & Andrew
playing: “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak
Kobe: C’mere you big bear. My turn.
Andrew: Oh, um… okay.
Kobe: My goodness. Go-go Gadget arms! Hahaha…
Andrew: Ha.
Kobe: Seriously, you’re a tall drink of water. What? Six-eight? Six-nine?
Andrew: 7-feet.
Kobe: No.
Andrew: Yup.
Kobe: Wow. You’re like a freaking Tom Collins then. Hahaha…
Andrew: Sorry?
Kobe: A Collins glass. Drink.
Andrew: I don’t get it.
Kobe: How old are you?
Andrew: Just turned nineteen.
Kobe: Oh. Ha. Never mind.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: So tell me, Andrew, what are “the kids” into nowadays?
Andrew: What do you mean?
Kobe: Like, what’s hip? What’s cool?
Andrew: Oh. Um…
Kobe: Pogs?
Andrew: Huh?
Kobe: Are pogs still cool?
Andrew: No.
Kobe: Sea monkeys? How about sea monkeys?
Andrew: Um, I don’t–
Kobe: Sea monkeys were the shit! They were asexual, you know.
Andrew: I did not.
Kobe: True story.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: I sometimes wish I were asexual.
Andrew: Wow.
Kobe: Oh yeah, I’d spawn hundreds of me. Take over the whole fucking league, you know.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: Think about that for a second. I’d be like, the leading scorer for every single game.
Andrew: Um, yeah, guess you wou–
Kobe: People would be all like, “Hey, dude, who was the leading scorer in that Hawks-Kings game last night?” And they’d be all like, “Oh. Kobe … again!”
Andrew: I should really get goi–
Kobe: I could lead the entire top-ten in scoring! Hahaha…
Andrew: OK, you’re scaring me a litt–
Kobe: Oh! Oh! Christmas Day! Kobe versus Kobe!
Andrew: Kobe, you’re hurting my neck.
Kobe: Stay tuned at half for an exclusive Kobe Bryant interview hosted by…
Andrew: Please let go–
Kobe: … Kobe Bryant! Or Mamba! Hahaha… yeah, Mamba versus Kobe! I could bring back #8! Yeah, we could have #8 Kobe versus #24 Kobe! Oh, this is good! Are you jotting these down?
Andrew: Ahhhhhh!!!
[Andrew breaks free]
Andrew: You’re fucking crazy, man!
[Andrew runs away, sobbing]
Kobe: Why are you crying? Where you going? I was just– I was just kidding, Andrew. I won’t bring back #8. Andrew wait! Andrew…
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: I think those l’il things could also breathe through their feet. Shit. That’d be cool too…
****************************************
Romance on the Hardwood: The Series
Kobe & Pargo: “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”
Kobe & Pargo (Pt. 2): “Wonderful Tonight”
Gilbert & Deron: “Unchained Melody”
LeBron & Vince: “All My Life”
Kobe & Nash: “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)”
Jason & Anthony: “Put Your Head On My Shoulder”
(Bonus: Romance on the Gridiron — Ben & Kurt: “Truly, Madly, Deeply” at KSK)
This page is supported by: If you have trouble meeting people, sign online and try our dating service. If shyness hinders you from meeting others, we can help! Whether you are looking for a relationship or just a friendship, you will meet someone of interest! From Montana singles to China personals, we are world wide!
Comments (14)“Higher… Higher… Right… Perfect.”
Have I mentioned how happy I am to have the season back yet?
(Bonus: Here’s another pic of Sasha contracting gonorrhea. — thx Ravi)
Comments (0)Caption A T-Shirt That Doesn’t Exist
High Fives and Hand Grenades.
If this NYT photo was on a t-shirt, that’s what I’d write under it. (Think about it…)
But what about you, guys? Any other suggestions? Yeah, as we head into our final preseason weekend — yes! — we thought it would be fun to hear some of your best caption ideas for this photo, keeping in mind it touched American Apparel fabric.
So… let’s hear ‘em, peeps. Virtual high five (and maybe a hand grenade emoticon) to the best one(s)…
Have a good weekend, Happy Halloween, and remember… do take candy from strangers, kids!
(Bonus: Ah, shit… why not, eh? … Two Knicks Just Chillin’)
Comments (11)About
The Basketball Jones is a NBA blog and podcast, written and recorded five times a week by J.E. Skeets, Tas Melas and Jason Doyle. Comments, questions and cold hard cash are always welcome and much appreciated. Contact us.
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