Romance on the Hardwood: Carmelo and Allen
playing: “Kiss From a Rose” by Seal
Carmelo: Shhhh, there there.
Allen: I missed you so much.
Carmelo: I know, I know.
Allen: It’s been tough, Carmelo.
Carmelo: OK…
Allen: I felt so… so…
Carmelo: Just let it out.
Allen: So cold.
Carmelo: It’s OK. Your Bunsen burner’s here.
[Awkward silence]
Allen: It’s so good to have you back.
Carmelo: It’s great to be back.
Allen: Did you miss me?
Carmelo: Yes.
Allen: Really?
Carmelo: Of course! C’mon, what type of question is that?
Allen: I don’t know. I’m fragile.
Carmelo: Well, I am.
Allen: OK, cool.
[Awkward silence]
Allen: I thought I was going to die.
Carmelo: Huh?
Allen: I thought I was going to die without you.
Carmelo: Please…
Allen: I did! Things were so dark, Carmelo.
Carmelo: OK, now you’re just being dramatic.
Allen: I am not. Kleiza’s horrible!
Carmelo: Calm down.
Allen: No! He is. And Camby! My God. Camby’s creepy lanky!
Carmelo: OK, easy…
Allen: I thought I was going to die.
Carmelo: Sure.
[Awkward silence]
Allen: *quietly sobbing*
Carmelo: Holy shit. Now what?
Allen: It’s– It’s– It’s–
Carmelo: Why are you crying?
Allen: It’s great to have you back.
Carmelo: You already said that.
Allen: I mean it, Carmelo. It really is.
Carmelo: Yeah yeah, awesome.
[Awkward silence]
Carmelo: Hey, whatta say we stop dancing for a sec? Grab a drink or something?
Allen: What? During Seal? No! I love Seal!
Carmelo: Shit, right, I forget. Sorry.
Allen: You know how much I love Seal, Carmelo. The way he’s overcome such adversity in his life. You know how I relate to that!
Carmelo: Yup.
Allen: He battled discoid lupus as a child, Carmelo! Discoid lupus!
Carmelo: Right, good.
Allen: Do you know what discoid lupus is, Carmelo?
Carmelo: Why must you keep saying my name? And yes, of course I do. I just forgot that–
Allen: Discoid lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease that debilitates the immune system, attacking the body’s cells an–
Carmelo: And tissues, resulting in inflammation and sometimes permanent skin damage. Yes, I know. His face is fucked.
Allen: For you to even suggest we stop dance–
Carmelo: We’re dancing, we’re dancing! Fuck. Just drop it.
[Awkward silence]
Allen: It’s really great to have you back.
Carmelo: I want to punch you.
****************************************
Romance on the Hardwood: The Series
Kobe & Pargo: “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”
Kobe & Pargo (Pt. 2): “Wonderful Tonight”
Gilbert & Deron: “Unchained Melody”
LeBron & Vince: “All My Life”
Kobe & Nash: “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)”
Jason & Anthony: “Put Your Head On My Shoulder”
Kobe & Andrew: “Wicked Game”
(Bonus: Romance on the Gridiron — Ben & Kurt: “Truly, Madly, Deeply” at KSK)
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Comments (6)Romance on the Hardwood: Kobe & Andrew
playing: “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak
Kobe: C’mere you big bear. My turn.
Andrew: Oh, um… okay.
Kobe: My goodness. Go-go Gadget arms! Hahaha…
Andrew: Ha.
Kobe: Seriously, you’re a tall drink of water. What? Six-eight? Six-nine?
Andrew: 7-feet.
Kobe: No.
Andrew: Yup.
Kobe: Wow. You’re like a freaking Tom Collins then. Hahaha…
Andrew: Sorry?
Kobe: A Collins glass. Drink.
Andrew: I don’t get it.
Kobe: How old are you?
Andrew: Just turned nineteen.
Kobe: Oh. Ha. Never mind.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: So tell me, Andrew, what are “the kids” into nowadays?
Andrew: What do you mean?
Kobe: Like, what’s hip? What’s cool?
Andrew: Oh. Um…
Kobe: Pogs?
Andrew: Huh?
Kobe: Are pogs still cool?
Andrew: No.
Kobe: Sea monkeys? How about sea monkeys?
Andrew: Um, I don’t–
Kobe: Sea monkeys were the shit! They were asexual, you know.
Andrew: I did not.
Kobe: True story.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: I sometimes wish I were asexual.
Andrew: Wow.
Kobe: Oh yeah, I’d spawn hundreds of me. Take over the whole fucking league, you know.
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: Think about that for a second. I’d be like, the leading scorer for every single game.
Andrew: Um, yeah, guess you wou–
Kobe: People would be all like, “Hey, dude, who was the leading scorer in that Hawks-Kings game last night?” And they’d be all like, “Oh. Kobe … again!”
Andrew: I should really get goi–
Kobe: I could lead the entire top-ten in scoring! Hahaha…
Andrew: OK, you’re scaring me a litt–
Kobe: Oh! Oh! Christmas Day! Kobe versus Kobe!
Andrew: Kobe, you’re hurting my neck.
Kobe: Stay tuned at half for an exclusive Kobe Bryant interview hosted by…
Andrew: Please let go–
Kobe: … Kobe Bryant! Or Mamba! Hahaha… yeah, Mamba versus Kobe! I could bring back #8! Yeah, we could have #8 Kobe versus #24 Kobe! Oh, this is good! Are you jotting these down?
Andrew: Ahhhhhh!!!
[Andrew breaks free]
Andrew: You’re fucking crazy, man!
[Andrew runs away, sobbing]
Kobe: Why are you crying? Where you going? I was just– I was just kidding, Andrew. I won’t bring back #8. Andrew wait! Andrew…
[Awkward silence]
Kobe: I think those l’il things could also breathe through their feet. Shit. That’d be cool too…
****************************************
Romance on the Hardwood: The Series
Kobe & Pargo: “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”
Kobe & Pargo (Pt. 2): “Wonderful Tonight”
Gilbert & Deron: “Unchained Melody”
LeBron & Vince: “All My Life”
Kobe & Nash: “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)”
Jason & Anthony: “Put Your Head On My Shoulder”
(Bonus: Romance on the Gridiron — Ben & Kurt: “Truly, Madly, Deeply” at KSK)
This page is supported by: If you have trouble meeting people, sign online and try our dating service. If shyness hinders you from meeting others, we can help! Whether you are looking for a relationship or just a friendship, you will meet someone of interest! From Montana singles to China personals, we are world wide!
Comments (14)About
The Basketball Jones is a NBA blog and podcast, written and recorded five times a week by J.E. Skeets, Tas Melas and Jason Doyle. Comments, questions and cold hard cash are always welcome and much appreciated. Contact us.
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